The Desire to Begot
by Sadako Pegasun
Summary: Raising a child can take a village but Kaiya Hawke finds herself raising her son and taking care of her family in their new live in Kirkwall. As she begins her adventure Hawke finds her past catching up with her, and that alone could change everything.
1. Chapter 1

Against my better judgment, I decided to start posting chapters to this fic – though it's not finished yet, and probably won't be for sometime – for the following reasons:

1.) I'm very excited about this idea, and it simply won't let me rest until it's written.

2.) I'm stuckish at a part in it, and some reviews/reader feedback/volunteer betas might help me figure out what to do next.

I have the next couple parts written, so I have something to post, but I won't post them one right after the other like I did my first fic, so that there's something to look forward to, and to keep you coming back for more =P lol

This will eventually include lemony content, so to keep people from getting into it, then not finishing the fic because of the rating change, I'm starting off with an 'M' rating. Soon enough, it will be worthy of it's 'M' rating.

Disclaimer time! No need to read that part, just need to post it for posterity sake:

_**The majority of the characters, settings, and the like involved in the fic's plot (as well as some of the **__**dialogue) are property of Bioware/EA Games. I claim no ownership over them, but this story was written by me, and inspired by and based on the Dragon Age Universe, and it's story lines. Many of my references come from in-game videos posted on Youtube, the Dragon Age Wiki, and whatever resources I find on the internet associated with the game and it's fandom. If anyone wishes for direct links to my references, feel free to message me and I'd be happy to send them your way. **_

_**Thank you.**_

Thank you to my partner-in-crime for being my beta!

Now that the boring stuff is out of the way, please enjoy! ^_^

* * *

><p><em>It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. - Phyllis Diller<em>

* * *

><p>"Momma, do I have to stay here? It smells again." Kaiya smiled at her little boy, his coarse blond hair getting in his eyes. He desperately needed a haircut; Maker, at this rate he would need to put it in a ponytail. Kaiya would prefer it not come to that.<p>

"Yes Janath, I have to tend to some business in town. Besides, Auntie or Gramma needs to give you a haircut." Kaiya ruffled her son's hair for emphases. Janath batted away his mother's hand in irritation.

"Momma!" He whined. "I wanna grow my hair out!"

"Let's try that again," Kaiya said sternly as she crossed her arms again, "It's 'I want to', not 'I wanna'." Janath stared at his mother with wide eyed shame, his lip pouting out. "Go on, I'm waiting." Janath gave a small sigh, and said,

"I _want to _grow my hair out..." Kaiya smiled lightly and nodded before she let her arms drop back to her sides and went on.

"That very well may be, but who will take care of your long hair?" She lectured, "If it gets too long, everyone will think I've a little girl, and wonder where Janath went." Janath's eyes got wide at that.

"Gramma! Will you cut my hair?" He called, running quickly to the other room while flattening his hair.

"You'd best hurry now, sister." Bethany said as she entered the room. "You don't want to keep Varric and Aveline waiting." Kaiya Hawke nodded in agreement with her sister. Kaiya picked up her daggers from the shelf next to her armor stand and strapped them to her back.

"Of course." She headed out of the little room toward the door. "I'm leaving now, Janath. Come give momma a kiss goodbye." Kaiya said as she knelt to the floor. Janath ran into his mother's open arms and wrapped his own around her neck tightly.

"Bye momma." He said with a kiss on the cheek. "Be safe." The well-wish for her safety always warmed Kaiya's heart.

"Always, dearest." She said, kissing his forehead. She brushed his hair away from his eyes before she stood. "Be good."

"Always, momma!" Kaiya smirked as her son ran back to his Grandmother. He did try to be good, but he always managed to get into the trouble little boys would.

"I'll be back." Kaiya called to the room's occupants before turning back to the door. She shook her head, forcing her hair out of her eyes as she took on the role that anyone outside of Gamlen's hovel knew her as: simple 'Hawke.'

* * *

><p>"'Bout time, Hawke. Those maps won't find themselves." Varric said as he spied Hawke walking into the Hanged Man.<p>

"Sorry, I was tending to the daisies." Hawke explained. Varric, through his many information channels, knew Hawke had a little boy – much to her dismay. So to keep her precious cargo on the down-low to some of the less reputable folk at the Hanged Man in the afternoon, the two of them associated any of Hawke's mention of him to flowers.

Varric waved it off, shaking his head.

"Fine, fine. Let's grab Aveline and get going." Hawke smiled at Varric. He always seemed to get flustered at mention of Janath. He'd taken a shine to the boy, but Janath had a way of enthralling people so. She reminisced for a few moments as they headed out when she had seen such charm before, in his father...

* * *

><p>The brush of magic hit her skin as they entered the small clinic in Darktown. Hawke's eyes scanned the room for the healer. She soon found him, leaning over a young boy. He looked to be trying desperately to heal the unmoving lad. Hawke's heart ached; the boy couldn't have been more than a few years older than Janath.<p>

Hawke, Varric, and Aveline watched patiently as the Healer worked tirelessly over the child, letting his magic wash over him and cleansing his body of what ailed him. Then, with great relief, Hawke watched as the boy took in a deep, gasping breath of air. His back arched off the table, as if what was keeping him sick was ripped from his chest. The woman standing next to the boy's side helped him sit up as a young man helped the weakened Healer. Hawke approached him quietly, waiting for the young man to walk away. Once he had stepped away, she noticed the mage stiffen. He must have realized they were there.

The Healer grabbed his staff next to him and rounded on Hawke's party, ready to defend his dingy clinic.

"I have made this place and sanctum of healing and salvation!" He declared, and then paused with a threatening nod, "Why do you threaten it?"

Hawke froze, and her eyes went as wide as saucers. She didn't hear a word he said, it didn't even register that he was ready to attack them. No, instead, she focus on his warm, golden-brown eyes, as stern as they were.

This was the Grey Warden they were looking for? The infamous Healer of Darktown? Hawke didn't notice Varric's kick to her ankle, instead she continued to gawk at the blonde mage. Visions of a night long ago flashed before her eyes as she stared at him.

* * *

><p><em>Kaiya made her way quietly into The Pearl, Denerim's well-known brothel. Her eyes scanned the room nervously. She fidgeted with the laces to her bodice and made her way to the bar. She had prettied herself up tonight, her usually roughed about bun was instead twisted into an elegant braid of black hair, and draped over her shoulder. She stole away her good dress, the one her mother helped her make for events such as town festivals and holidays. The bust was white, and the bodice was maroon, and tied in the front. The skirt was a simple black, and made its way to her ankles. Unfortunately, the only shoes she had were her leather boots. She figured those would do just fine; it wasn't like she was trying to wow anyone, just get someone's attention long enough to be over with it. <em>

_Kaiya was sick of hearing all the prissy girls talk__ of how 'perfect', and 'fulfilling',__ and __'_satisfying' _sex was – how it made them feel like women. Kaiya was older than those petty little tarts – if only by a few years, maybe less –__ and she was determined to prove them wrong!_

_She was here on a quest here; to lose her virginity. _

_Kaiya sat down at the end of the slightly hushed bar, rigid and uncomfortable as she placed an order for a drink. She rarely drank - only when her father had bottle of wine he would let them drink with dinner for special occasions; like for someone's name-day, or when they finished settling into a new place. She earned the money she was spending tonight by helping a few merchants at home, and she had a plan while her father was busy in Denerim. She was going to get good and soused, and then let someone have their way with her and be done with it. _

_Kaiya took a sip of her ale, and nearly spat it back out... It tasted like watered down piss. _

"_Excuse me, do you have anything stronger?" She aske__d the barkeep. _Or better tasting..._ She bit back. The man raised an eyebrow and snickered at her. _

"_I've got this one, Cookie. And grab me a bit while you're at it." A young man said, taking a seat next to Kaiya. "In fact, make it my usual, with two glasses." The barkeep – Cookie, Kaiya assumed he was called – nodded to the man and headed to get the new drinks. _

"_Thank you." Kaiya said quietly. The young man didn't respond. He simply stared at her, with pure temptation eyes. His hair was long enough to be tied back into a loose ponytail, and he had a gold loop in his ear. He had scruff around his chin and jaw that looked to be purposely grown so. She never knew a man to do that. Most were either clean shaven or had a full beard, especially in the winter for the added warmth. The way this man stared at her – all heat and confidence – Kaiya found it unsettling. _

"_You're new around here." He stated simply. Kaiya looked to the man curiously. _

"_You must be a regular to have guessed as much." She replied curtly. The young man laughed - he had a rich laugh that warmed Kaiya inside and out. _

"_Hardly," He said, "Just passing through, but you stick out like a sore thumb." _

"_Says the man in the mage robes," Kaiya muttered as she forced down another sip of her piss ale. But the man heard her loud and clear. _

"_And you're not one for having the attention, are you?" He teased, leaning toward her. Kaiya remained rigid, not looking at the man. Instead, she looked to the barkeep as he approached with a bottle and two small glasses. Kaiya looked to them with a snicker. They looked like glorified, thick-bottomed glass thimbles. _

"_What kind of joke is this?" She asked, looking to the blonde. _

"_No joke, I assure you." He said as he handed Cookie a couple coins. He set one of the glasses in front of Kaiya, and uncorked the dark red bottle. He poured her a little of it, then did the same for his glass. The color of the liquor reminded Kaiya of the man's eyes, that same warm golden-brown that was fixed on her after he set the bottle down. "This stuff will knock you on your ass if you're not careful." He explained patiently. He lifted his glass and held it up. "The trick is to take it all in one gulp. Called a shot." _

"_Oh, really?"__ Kaiya said as she lifted her own glass. She could smell the alcohol in the small glass before she raised it to toast the mage. And with a small '_clink'_, the mage took the drink, and knocked it back in one swallow. After watching him, Kaiya copied him.__ Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head as she felt more than tasted the alcohol on her tongue. But the taste wasn't what she was looking for. It was the path it burned down her throat she was wanted. _

_She slammed down her empty glass and shook off the burn and her watering eyes. _

"_Maker! That's what I'm talking about!" She exclaimed, sliding her glass to the mage. He smiled at her. _

"_What's your name, sweetheart?" He asked as he poured two more shots. _

"_Call me whatever you want," She said, waving it off. "Whoever I am tonight, it's not who I usually am." The mage laughed as he handed her another shot._

"_Alright then, Blue it is." He said, raising his glass, "To your blue eyes and cold continence!" He teased. Kaiya smirked, toasting with the mage again before downing her shot with him. _

"_Since you're so intent on names, then," Kaiya said, placing her glass down on the bar, "Who is it I'm drinking with?" The mage smiled at her, and made her melt. Oh yes, this man had potential. _

"_Everyone calls me Anders."_

* * *

><p>The Healer watched the stunned woman carefully, with her short black – almost blue – hair tied back out of her face, and her wide blue eyes. She had such clear blue eyes, that he almost relaxed his stance immediately under her awestruck gaze. But then, her eyes hit him with the truth of what she saw of him. His own eyes went just as wide as her's as he slowly straightened up and set his weapon aside once more. His slow movements were similar to one made by one hoping not to startle a crazed or scared beast with sudden movement.<p>

"What's happening here?" Varric asked Aveline quietly.

"Your guess is as good as mine, dwarf." She replied, eying the mage carefully.

"Maker preserve me..." Hawke said quietly, "I don't believe this."

"Blue?" The Healer finally said. He looked as if he had seen a ghost. "Wh-what are you doing here?" Hawke didn't answer him, still frozen to the spot. She remained motionless for the longest time, simply staring at him.

"Anders." She finally whispered. And then, everything went black.

"Maker's balls!" Varric exclaimed as Hawke's legs gave out on her and her eyes rolled back into her head. Aveline quickly reached out and caught her. She knelt to the ground with Hawke as the Healer – Anders – hurried toward them. He stopped next to Aveline as she shot him a nasty glare. Were he a less-seasoned man, he might have soiled himself under that gaze.

"What did you do?" Aveline seethed through grit teeth, each word drenched and punctuated with restraint.

"Nothing." Anders said, glaring back at the guardswoman. "She's simply in shock."

"You know her?" Varric asked, eying the mage suspiciously now. He looked as though his next thought was on the tip of his tongue.

"Well, you could say that." Anders said carefully. "I met her years ago."

"Really?" Varric said, placing his hands behind his back. "Years you say?" He went on as Aveline lifted Hawke and stood up to place her on the table the sick boy had previously occupied. "Now, are we talking two years, three years? Five? Maybe six or seven?" Anders felt as if he were being interrogated. He crossed his arms over his chest, giving the dwarf an impatient glare.

"I suppose a little more than five years, yes?" Anders replied cautiously, he didn't like how the dwarf was looking at him now with a grin of triumphant smugness that he looked to wear well, and often. "Can someone tell me what's going on here?" Anders stiffened as he felt a blade at his throat suddenly. He raised his chin, hoping to keep the sword from breaking skin. He glanced at the blade's direction, seeing the redheaded guard was glaring at him again. This time her eyes held more venom to them, as if Anders were the lowliest vermin to walk the face of the earth.

"How _dare_ you?" Aveline said gritting her teeth at him again. "She deserved better than that!" She spat bitterly.

"Better than what? What are you talking about?" Anders exclaimed. He froze again as the blade pressed closer to his throat.

"Aveline, stop..." Hawke groaned, holding her head as she came to. "Please." Aveline hesitated, still glaring at Anders before slowly lowering her sword to his hips. Anders jumped as she tapped him – over his crotch – with the flat of her blade.

"I'll be watching you." She warned quietly.

"Will someone tell me what's going on here?" Anders exclaimed again, desperate for answers. Why were they here, and why the Hell were they threatening him?

Aveline returned to Hawke's side and helped her sit up.

"Nothing," Hawke said, waving it off. She shot Aveline a look, telling – begging – her to hold her tongue. "I've been under the weather lately." She said simply.

"Why didn't you say so, Blue?" Anders said with relief as he went to approached Hawke, but she shook her head.

"No, I'm feeling better. I supposed my body just need a quick restart." Hawke gave a small laugh. "Nothing like threatening to have my well-being checked out by a Healer to get it on the right path of health." She said with another laugh, a nervous one. Anders looked at Hawke oddly, and she coughed to cover her embarrassment while Varric gave a small chuckle. "Besides, that's not why we're here." Hawke pulled her legs over the side of the table and stood up. "I've heard you were a Grey Warden, is that true?" Anders tensed, taking a step back as he crossed his arms over his chest again. Varric noted this seemed to be a defensive stance the man took when he felt uncomfortable or threatened.

"Did they send you? I'm not going back," He said, as if that was his final say on the matter, "Those bastards made me get rid of my cat, poor Ser-Pounce-a-Lot..." Hawke looked to Anders oddly. Then she grinned at him.

"It shouldn't surprise me that you're a cat person." She stated. Anders relaxed a little at this comment.

"Of course I am. He was a noble beast. He was nearly ripped in half by a genlock once, swatted the bugger on the nose once, drew blood too." He said proudly. Hawke couldn't help but smirk.

"Aside from your love of cats," Hawke said, "We're here for a reason. Your Deep Road maps, Anders." Anders stiffened again.

"I'll die a happy man if I never have to think of the Deep Roads again." Then Anders paused. He tapped his chin before going on. "Although, a favor for a favor..."

* * *

><p>Kaiya slammed through the door to Gamlen's home, looking pale and frantic. As soon as they were clear of the clinic, Kaiya was in a deep sprint back to the hovel, leaving Aveline and Varric behind her.<p>

"Quiet, dear! I just got Janath down for his nap!" Her mother said. Leandra was sweeping hair left over from Janath's haircut.

"Where's Beth?" Kaiya said, hurriedly.

"What's wrong?" Leandra asked her daughter.

"Please, I need to speak to Bethany." Leandra paled as she assumed the worst.

"Is it the templars?" She asked in a hushed tone as she started to panic herself.

"No, no, not that. I just need to talk to her." Kaiya said, shaking her head hastily.

"I'm here, sister. What's the matter?" Bethany came from the back room, rubbing her hands with a rag. Kaiya hurried toward her sister and grabbed her arm. She hauled her back to the door with her, nearly pulling Bethany to the floor. "Kai! Wait! What's going on?"

"Let's go!" Kaiya exclaimed hurriedly, rushing out the door, and not bothering to shut it.

"We're not paying to heat the whole of Lowtown!" Gamlen yelled after them as they hurried down the steps.

"Gamlen! Quiet! Janath is sleeping!" Leandra shushed him before he shut the door.

* * *

><p>"Sister? What's wrong? You're scaring me!" Bethany exclaimed, following close behind her sister.<p>

"Hanged Man. Now!" Kaiya called. Maker, she looked like she'd been to the Void and back. Bethany simply followed her sister the short distance to the Hanged Man. Then she followed her inside and to the back, up to Varric's suite. Kaiya slammed through the door, startling Varric at his table. After Bethany was wrenched in by Kaiya, she slammed the door shut to see Varric looking rather amused.

"So, have you told your sister about the Gardener?" Varric said as he leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head.

"Shut up, Varric!" Kaiya snapped. She was pacing now as Bethany looked to her sister impatiently. Clearly, this wasn't as much of an emergency as she thought if Kaiya dragged her to Varric's.

"Gardener? What is this about?"

"Beth, I – I've found him. The healer!" Kaiya exclaimed, turning on her sister. Bethany sighed in relief.

"That's good to hear." She said.

"No, no it's not!" Kaiya said, seeming almost desperate. "Don't you get it? This is _very_ bad!"

"What? Why? I thought we wanted to find him so we could get the Deep Roads maps?"

"You don't get it, Beth!" Kaiya said as she grabbed her sister by her arms and shook her.

"Knock it off!" Bethany shouted, batting her sister away. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Just spit it out already, _Blue_." Varric butted in again, chuckling. Kaiya shot Varric a particularly nasty glare, one that Bethany knew was only reserved for the lowest of the low, and Carver when he had pissed her off.

"The healer, Bethy," Kaiya said gravely as she looked back to her. "The healer, Anders, he's Janath's father." Bethany paused for a moment. As the words registered, her eyes went wide. Then she gave Kaiya a bright smile.

"That's wonderful news, Kai! I'm so glad you found him!" She said.

"What? No! No it's not!" Kaiya protested, shaking her head fiercely. "How the Hell am I supposed to tell someone I haven't seen in years that he has a freakin' kid?"

"Well, Blue-"

"Stuff it, Varric!" Kaiya seethed. Varric laughed, holding up his hands in defense.

"He might not take the news so badly, seeing as how the Joining makes Wardens all but sterile." Varric explained.

"See?" Bethany said, putting a hand on her sister's shoulder. "This can't be so bad."

"What if he doesn't want kids? What if he's glad that he doesn't have to worry about that now, and then _**BAM!**_ He's got one landed in his lap!" Kaiya was in a full-blown panic now. Bethany looked to Varric before guiding her sister to a chair and forcing her to sit down.

"Everything's going to be alright, Kai." Bethany reassured as she knelt next to her sister.

"No it's not!" Kaiya exclaimed, tears forming in her eyes. "What if anyone finds out who his father is? He could be taken away just because his father's a mage!"

"If they aren't taking me away, they won't take Janath. You know just as well as I do that the chances of that are unlikely." Bethany reasoned. "Maker, there's a better chance that I'll be found than Janath will be." Kaiya was sobbing in her hands now as Bethany hugged her sister. Varric watched the scene in front of him, feeling out of place and very uncomfortable.

"Wellll, that's my cue." Varric said, "If it'll make you feel any better Hawke, I'll have him looked in to, see what my sources can dig up about him." Kaiya didn't seem to hear him as she continued to cry. Bethany gave Varric an apologetic look before she said,

"Thank you Varric, please do that. And sorry." Varric just waved it off.

"Bah, I'll just see what I can do." He said as he grabbed Bianca and headed for the door.

After calming Kaiya down, Bethany got her to explain what happened.

"When that woman said his name was Anders, I thought it must have been a coincidence," Hawke hiccupped, "But it was him! I couldn't believe it! And worst of all, he remembered me. Then again, it probably doesn't help matters that I stared at him like a wide-eyed COW!"

"Then what happened?" Bethany asked. She had pulled up a chair at some point during Hawke's meltdown and was sitting in front of her, holding her hand. Hawke looked at her sister with tearful eyes.

"What else could I do? I passed out!" She exclaimed. Bethany bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing at her sister.

"Kai, wasn't that a bit much?" She asked.

"I don't know, what would you have done in my position?" Hawke could see her sister was amused by this.

"Well, for one, I wouldn't have fainted in front of the poor man." Bethany said with a small chuckle.

"I'm glad you find this funny!" Hawke accused.

"No, I don't find it funny. It's just that I can hardly imagine you fainting." Bethany giggled. Hawke became flustered as she glared at her sister.

"It's not funny! You think I liked passing out in front of my one-night stand?"

"Calm down, getting yourself all worked up again isn't going to help any." Bethany said. "Do you have to see him again?" Hawke groaned and put her head in her hands.

"Of course I do, he wasn't going to just give us the maps!" She said into her hands. "Tonight, he needs help with a friend. After that, he said he would gladly give us the maps."

"Then that can be that!" Bethany reassured her.

"But that's not just it, Beth!" Hawke groaned, "He's practically a _SAINT!_ Runs a clinic down in Darktown for nothing!"

"So? He's a good guy?" Bethany asked.

"I just don't know!" Hawke wailed, "He's good looking as he was then – if not _BETTER! _ Maker, it should be a crime to be so good looking! And he's just as nice, and he has these eyes! They make you melt like butter on a hot roll!" Bethany gave her sister a sly smile.

"You like him, don't you?"

"How could I _NOT_?" Hawke buried her face in her hands again with another groan. "What am I going to do?"

"Well, for starters you can get to know him, and see where that goes." Bethany suggested as she placed a hand on her sister's shoulder. "See if he really is how you've made him out to be, and decide if you want to introduce him to Janath. If that goes well too, then you can go from there." Hawke peeked at her sister from between her fingers with one eye.

"Could it really be that easy...?" Hawke's voice was muffled by her hands again.

"You won't know unless you try." Bethany reasoned. Hawke gave a shaky sigh as she dropped her arms to her sides and slouched in her chair.

"Fine..." She said. "Let's get tonight settled first."

"What is it you have to do?" Bethany asked.

"Anders has a friend that came to Kirkwall's Circle, to bring in more talent. He was going to try and help him escape. He hadn't heard from him in a while. Now he's gotten a message from him saying to meet him at the Chantry tonight. Anders is suspicious and wants us to go with him as a precaution."

"Sounds like a good idea." Bethany said, "I'll go too." Hawke became uneasy at this.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, Beth." Hawke bit her lip as she began to fiddle with the fingers of her gloves.

"Why not?" She asked.

"Well, I'm assuming his suspicions have something to do with Templars being involved."

"Kaiya, I know you better, that's not the reason." Bethany scolded. The tell-tale blush of Hawke's face told her the real reason. "You don't want me to meet him, do you?"

"What? No! Don't be silly!" Hawke denied. Bethany giggled.

"That settles it then," She said, standing up, "I'm going."

"Bethyyyyyyyyyy!" Hawke whined.

"It will be fine, Kai!" She reassured. Hawke sighed and stood up.

"Fine, fine!" She said before stomping out of Varric's suite. "But if something goes wrong, it's your fault!"

"Where are we meeting him?" Bethany asked as she followed behind her sister.

"Outside the Chantry, after dark. So Mother will have to put Janath to be tonight." Hawke paused before spinning around to face Bethany, causing her to nearly run into Hawke. "Mother can't know a lick about this!"

"But she should be told sometime, alright?" Bethany reasoned. "If not before Anders finds out, very soon then after. I'm sure she would want to meet Janath's father."

"I can't imagine that going well..." Hawke muttered as she began to head for the exit again.

* * *

><p>When Kaiya and Bethany arrived back home, they found Gamlen had disappeared again. But from the other room, she heard her mother reading. Kaiya smiled as she made her way to the side room. Janath was sitting on Leandra's lap, holding the book while she read.<p>

"Now, it's your turn to read." Leandra said as Janath lifted his head.

"Momma's home!" Janath exclaimed before shoving the book at Leandra, and nearly startling her. Kaiya smiled as her son hugged at her waist. She hugged him to her before looking to her mother. She looked a little annoyed with her grandson's having abruptly jumped down and forcing her to take the book from him. But her eyes told Kaiya she was glad he was so eager to see his mother.

"Janath," Kaiya said, looking down to her son. He looked up at her, smiling brightly. She swallowed nervously. He most certainly had his father's eyes, and his coarse blond hair. He even had the same charming smile. She hoped that he wouldn't happen to run into Anders with someone in the market at some point...

"Yes, Momma?" He asked. Kaiya remembered her train of thought before too long.

"Apologize to Gramma, that wasn't very nice of you to scare her like that." Janath's expression changed quickly to one of shame before looking back to his Grandmother.

"Sorry, Gramma..." He apologized quietly, still hugging his mother. Leandra smiled at Janath.

"I forgive you, as long as you come back and continue your reading."

"But Momma's home," Janath protested softly. Kaiya smiled and stepped out of her son's grasp and knelt in front of him.

"How about this: I have sometime before I have to go out and work again. I'll get changed and read with you and Gramma before dinner." Kaiya's heart melted as her son's face lit up.

"Okay!" He said as he ran back to his grandmother. Leandra smiled as Janath sat in her lap again. He began reading the page she just read as Kaiya headed to the back room to change out of her armor. Leandra's eyes followed her before looking to Bethany as she lingered in the doorway. She could see the question in her mother's eyes. Of course she would want to know what Kaiya's stranger behavior was about earlier.

Bethany just shook her head. Leandra wasn't sure how to take the gesture, but she let it go for now, and continued to listen to her grandson read.

* * *

><p>This AU'_What if...?_' fic wouldn't leave me alone once the idea hit me. I like seeing fics of characters meeting Hawke before the game's storyline takes place, but I decided to throw in a (I'm sure was very obvious, if the title wasn't any indication) twist that probably made some roll your eyes and go '~.~; really...?', or be like 'Nowai! =D'. (The majority of you I'm sure were the former.)

So, here's to hoping I keep posting this, especially because I know I'm very excited about the idea =D But if I end up not finishing, I will post how the story would have ended, as well as anything else that was written in advance for the story – if that makes sense.

Thanks for reading! =D


	2. Chapter 2

OMG! I'm so excited that I have reviews! And they're fantastic! Thank you! =D I got a much better response than I thought I would get from the get-go =) Thank you so much!

Not only are reviews a great way for me to know people are enjoying this (as are the notices I get in my e-mail saying that people have favorited me or this story ^-^ /SQUEEE!) but they can be helpful with some inspiration, which I never expected, truthfully =) So, thank you for that too! It helps when I get stuck, which happens more than I'd like to admit XD;

I apologize for the overly inserted emoticons and excessive 'thank you's, but I'm tickled pink and positively thrilled for any attention my humble fic has received. ^-^ I also apologize for any formatting that doesn't seem to work out, I'm trying to catch it before I post anything, but if it's bad enough to where someone thinks it should be fixed, please let me know.

Down to business: This chapter has touches of lemon in a couple bits, but nothing too intense. I didn't want to get your hopes up, but there will be some hotter and heavier stuff soon enough =)

Now to insert the Disclaimer, I added a small part to it and fixed something I thought needed to be cleared/de-confused. (XD; I confuse easily a lot of the time, so I try to imagine things sometimes as if _I'm_ the one reading it for the first time.) It's nothing major, but I figured I'd toss it in, for more disclaimerness... So you can go ahead and skip the block of text if you wish. XD

_**The majority of the characters, settings, and the like involved in the fic's plot (as well as some of the **__**dialogue) are property of Bioware/EA Games. I claim no ownership over them, but this story was written by me, and inspired by and based on the Dragon Age Universe, and it's story lines. I have no intention of make absolutely any profit from this. Many of my references come from in-game videos posted on Youtube, the postings Dragon Age Wiki, and whatever resources I find on the internet associated with the game and it's fandom. If anyone wishes for direct links to my references, feel free to message me and I'd be happy to send them your way. (If I can remember where I found them exactly, I apologize if I don't find it right away)**_

_**Thank you.**_

Thank the Maker for my Beta! She cleans up the mess that my fail!grammar leaves behind and makes it all better ^-^ And I'm sure my repetition has been noticed by now, if not, then my Beta has done an amazing job! =D

Thank you again for reading! I hope to keep up with the standards the reviews say I've set for this fic (and my writing in general, but this one's the one that counts right now lol) Enjoy ^-^

* * *

><p><em>Always kiss your children goodnight - even if they're already asleep. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.<em>

* * *

><p>After they said goodnight to Janath, Hawke and Bethany headed for the Chantry. Varric and Aveline were supposed to meet them there, as well as Anders. The Hawke sisters climbed the Chantry steps in silence. Kaiya felt her stomach start to knot itself in a bundle of nerves and anxiousness. Bethany took her sister's hand, sensing her uncertainty. She gave Kaiya's hand a tight squeeze, letting her know she was here for her.<p>

"_It will be alright_, Kai," Bethany whispered with steel reassurance, smiling at her. Kaiya gave her a slight smile as they continued their trek up the everlasting stairs.

* * *

><p><em>"Slow down!" Anders laughed at her. She must have taken a total of five shots now – almost one right after the other. Anders had requested some bread to help with the amount of alcohol Kaiya had taken into her system. It might not help much, but it was better than pouring nothing but shots down her throat all night. Poor girl would be passed out before hour's end, otherwise. <em>

"_Why? I have a plan for tonight!" She declared, grabbing at the bottle. She missed before Anders picked it up instead and held it out of her reach. Kaiya gave Anders a pout lip before leaning back onto her stool with her hands in her lap. "Tease..." Anders laughed, placing the bottle on the other side of him. _

"_Oh? I'll show you a tease." He joked, handing a slice of dried, crusty bread to Kaiya. "Now eat. I'll not be held responsible if you find yourself passed out in some trough with not so much as your smalls on," Anders mock-lectured, "You might startle the poor livestock." Kaiya pouted more before snatching the slice of bread and taking a huge bite of it. She choked it down as Anders watched her with those beautiful eyes of his. _

"_You say you have a plan for tonight?" Anders asked finally, "And what would this grand scheme of yours be?" _

"_Ah, Shehr Mage," Kaiya said, sounding very proud of herself, despite her mouthful of bread. Was it really the bread or the alcohol effecting her speech so? "Am goin t'get m'self in such uh state, that I'll loose awl inhubishuns, and let s'me slob 'ave their way wif me!" Anders stared at Kaiya with wide eyes. He wasn't sure if he heard her correctly. _

"_I'm __sorry;__ could you repeat that _without _a mouthful of bread?" He asked. Kaiya swallowed hard before saying with a bright smile. _

"_I said, I'm here to get drunk, then get laid by whoever's able and willing!" All Anders could was blink at her and her master plan. _

"_Really?" He asked, sounding bewildered and amused at the same time. _

"_Uh-huh!" Kaiya said after popping the last bite of her bread in her mouth. She swallowed it without chewing before holding out her shot glass, with an ever-present beacon-bright smile. "More please!" _

_Anders eyed the glass wearily before taking it and placing it next to the bottle. He leaned in closer to her. He decided speaking a little quieter about her plan was best, considering her declaration had caught a few people's attention already. _

"_Now, what exactly did you have in mind when you said 'let some slob have their way with me'?" Anders said in a low voice, repeating what he thought she said the first time. Kaiya gave a small hiccup before grabbing another slice of bread, completely oblivious to how close Anders was to her. _

"_Exactly what I said!" Kaiya said simply, "Gonna get drunk, and get laid. Like everyone else, naturally! Simple as that! Or do you need a diagram?" Kaiya giggled at the thought of scribbling out a crude doodle that included two stick figures in a few positions she'd heard the tarts back home talk __about. Kaiya had never been very good at art, but surprisingly enough, Carver was a very talented artist. He'd threatened to break her arm if she ever told anyone. That didn't stop her from letting it 'slip' a few times, though. Lo and behold, Carver had a few more admirers after that who asked him to paint them like one of those __Orlesian girls._

_Anders weighed his options carefully as he leaned back again. He looked to the girl's flushed cheeks and wide smile. She was clearly good and drunk now, her slightly unfocused eyes gave away that much, if her red face didn't do so. So, that part was taken care of in her plan, but that wasn't what worried him. It was the next step that had his attention. _

_Anders glanced around the room. He was sure this young woman could have her way with any of these men – or women, if she so wished it – and that didn't include the ones you would have to pay for. Some were even staring at her now. But that wasn't his issue; she didn't seem to care who, how, or where, and that could end very badly for such a pretty young thing. He wasn't sure how he would feel about leaving someone as defenseless as her alone to some fate of drunken mishaps, and that was put lightly. _

_Anders gave a small sigh. Nothing like taking one for the greater good, especially when it couldn't really end unfavorably for him. Anders shook his head, forcing away his small smirk before he looked back up at Kaiya. He leaned toward the girl again as she was about to take a bite of her piece of bread. He took the bread from her hand and set it down. _

"_Hey! Didn't you tell me to eat?" She protested loudly before looking to see Anders was leaning toward her. She froze as she felt his lips press gently against her's. Her eyes were wide as Anders traced her jaw with his fingertips. He laid other hand on her thigh, massaging it gently as he tried to get the girl to relax. Kaiya relaxed with a sigh before she slipped a hand into his hair, loosening it a little. He pulled away slowly as he pressed his hand to her cheek. Her eyes were closed as he stroked her cheekbone with his thumb. Her face went a little redder under his touch before she opened her eyes again. Kaiya's drunken eyes were focused on him and how close he was. She placed a hand over his own on her thigh and squeezed it. _

_Anders smiled at her before pressing kisses to her cheek, and down her jaw. He heard her breath begin to hitch as she slid her hand up his arm to his shoulder. She gripped it tightly as he nibbled on her ear lobe. _

"_Care to join me tonight, sweetheart?" He asked softly. He felt Kaiya nod into his hand with a small moan. The bread and the alcohol on the bar were forgotten as Anders took Kaiya by the hand, and led her toward the rooms for rent._

* * *

><p>Anders was pulled from his thoughts as he heard someone coming up the steps. Varric and Aveline had arrived a few minutes after he did, and were talking amongst themselves.<p>

"Sunshine, so glad you could join us," Varric said. The dwarf smiled at Hawke and her sister as they came into view over the top step.

"Hullo Varric, Hullo Aveline." Bethany said smiling. She froze for a second, blinking at Anders as he turned around. She put on a smile before he could notice her reaction and walked toward him. "Anders, is it?" She held out her hand to him, smiling still. "I'm Bethany." Anders shook Bethany's hand, putting on a smile. Bethany could tell it was forced, for the sake of being polite.

"Nice to meet you," he said curtly.

"My sister didn't tell me how handsome you are." Bethany's comment was more to tease Hawke. A job well done, Hawke was now a lovely shade of red. Anders smiled to himself, remembering her just as red, Bethany's remark forgotten.

"I saw Karl walk in a little bit ago." He said, back to business. Bethany returned to her sister's side. "No Templars so far."

"Now I see where Janath gets his eyes!" Bethany whispered in quiet amazement to Hawke, fanning herself. Hawke's eyes went wide before she went to hit her sister. Bethany dodged it with a giggle.

"And his hair! It's just like his! See! He's got his nose too! See?" Bethany whispered excitedly as they followed Anders through the Chantry. "Maker! We'll have to chase the girls away from Janath with a stick! Not that I didn't think so before, but this only proves it."

"Bethany, I swear," Hawke threatened through grit teeth, "Not one more word." Bethany gave another giggle.

"This is so exciting!" She said cheerfully. Hawke groaned in annoyance, walking faster to keep up with Varric and Aveline.

"She's right, you know." Aveline said quietly, with a nod of agreement.

"Not you, too!" Hawke hushed with a whine. Anders looked over his shoulder at the group. Hawke gave a nervous smile before he turned back around. "If you weren't wearing that armor, I'd hit you!" Hawke threatened. Aveline gave the smallest of smiles, one that Hawke recognized as her version of a smug grin.

"There he is," Anders said softly as they walked up the stairs. The man could just be seen around the corner. He seemed to be looking at a wardrobe in front of him. "Just let me talk to him," Anders continued in hushed tones.

As they quietly approached Karl, he began to speak. Karl's voice was soft and cold; it gave Hawke the chills.

"Anders, I know you too well. I knew you would never give up." Bethany gripped Hawke's wrist tightly, her hands shaky. Hawke looked to Bethany; her eyes were wide in terror as she stared at the man's back.

"Oh, Maker..." Bethany whispered in a horrified voice.

"Beth, what is it?" Hawke asked.

"Karl, what's wrong? Why are you talking like-"

"I was too rebellious, like you," Karl turned around to face the small group. Bethany gasped, clasping a hand tightly over her mouth as her eyes began to tear. "The Templars knew I had to be made an example of." The man's eyes were all but dead, his voice and features were void of emotion, and on his forehead was a fresh sun-shaped brand. Hawke felt her blood freeze in her veins. This was what a Tranquil looked like. She had never dared approached them in the Gallows before. Anytime she saw one, she was too terrified to go near them. She was always afraid she would see Bethany's face there, or her deceased father's, or even – Maker forbid – Janath's little face.

Hawke felt the room go cold as the weight of the situation began to settle in on them.

"No!" Anders said, stepping back from the man. He shook his head in denial as Karl went on.

"How else will mages ever master themselves? You'll understand, Anders, as soon as the Templars teach you how to control yourselves."

Bethany stepped close to Hawke as the sound of heavy armor and carpeted footsteps approached them. Hawke turned to face the on-coming Templars, standing defensively in front of Bethany. Bethany took hold of her staff, gripping it tightly.

"This is the apostate," Karl's monotonous voice was heard behind her, as indifferent as though he were identifying fish at the docks. Then, Anders' sharp cry made Hawke spin around to face him.

"No!"

Anders had dropped to his knees, clutching his head tightly as his whole body shook. The walls and floor around the group shook with him, harrying dust that had long ago settled. Hawke's eyes darted back and forth between the Templars and Anders. Some seemed hesitant to attack now, but still stood their ground.

Then, Anders's form was engulfed in blue flame and a dark aura. A wave of power shot out, knocking the wind out of Hawke as it flew past them. Anders stood up and looked around the room. His form was crackling with power as his warped voice roared,

"**You will never take another as you took him!" **

Hawke watched in horror as Anders moved at an inhuman speed toward the Templars, a blaze of magic and terror.

"Hawke!" Aveline called. Hawke turned toward the warrior in time to see a shield about to come down on her head. Bethany grabbed Hawke and forced her to the ground with her, and out of the way of the blow. Hawke swept her legs out as she grabbed one of her daggers from over her shoulder. As soon as the Templar's back hit the ground, Hawke slammed the blade of her dagger into the slit of the their helm. Then Hawke was up, and threw herself into the fray, but it seemed many of the Templar had already been dispatched. Any left were circling Aveline and Varric.

Three ended up with a crossbow bolt in their helms and Aveline's sword came down on another. Hawke slipped into the shadows, fading out of sight. She reappeared just as quickly behind the Templar staggering away from Aveline. In a quick, precise motion, her dagger slipped across the Templar's neck. Hawke stepped away as the lifeless body collapsed to the ground, blood seeping from their throat as they lay motionless.

"I... Anders." Hawke's attention turned quickly onto the man, Karl, as he spoke. Her eyes widened as she absorbed how thoroughly confused and upset he looked. Were Tranquil capable of being upset? "What did you do? It's like you brought a piece of the Fade into this world..." He looked lost as the power that had surrounded Anders faded away. He walked slowly toward Karl as he went on. "I had already forgotten what that feels like." Hawke approached them. She held out an arm in front of Bethany, as if that would protect her.

"I thought Tranquil were cut off from the Fade forever?" Hawke asked wearily, staring Karl up and down. Perhaps this was a trick of some sort from the Templars? The look on Karl's face told Hawke everything she needed to know, and every last bit of it was heartbreaking.

"When you're Tranquil, you never think on your life before," Karl looked back to Anders. "But it's like the Fade is inside Anders. Burning like a sun." Hawke looked to Anders curiously.

"What did you do? Not the Fade part – the angry, glowy bit?" She found herself asking, scraping around for words to describe it. She felt Bethany hit her on the back of the head, making her wince. She didn't mean for it to come out like that; she just didn't know how else to explain it.

"It's like a gateway to the Fade inside you. Glowing like a beacon." Karl said, clearly still in awe. Hawke looked to the man sadly as he spoke. He had such a way with words – the heart of a poet – and the Templars took that away from him. Hawke felt her blood boil in anger at the loss of such a passionate soul.

"I have some... Unique circumstances, yes." Anders admitted slowly, but quickly went on. "But Karl, what happened? How did they get you?" He knew that Karl didn't have much time left. Whatever this was, it wasn't permanent, and everyone knew it.

"The Templars here are far more vigilant than in Fereldan." Karl looked broken with emotion, as if he were ashamed. The look on his face – the anguish in his eyes – made Hawke want to cry. She knew Bethany crying was behind her; Hawke could hear her sniffling as she gripped her shoulder. "They found a letter I was writing you."

"That's not right..." Aveline said under her breath, "That's not what the rite of Tranquility is for."

"You cannot imagine it Anders. All the color, all the music in the world… Gone." Karl lowered his gaze to the floor before going on, "I would gladly give up my magic, but this..." Karl raised his hands and looked at them before clenching them into tight, shaky fists. "I'll never be whole again." He looked up to Anders again, desperation covering his face and deep-seated in his eyes. "Please, kill me before I forget again! I don't know how you brought it back, but it's fading."

"Karl, no..." Anders' voice broke. Hawke wanted to say something, wanted to help, but she couldn't say a thing. No words wanted to come forward. She knew there was no cure for Tranquility. It was a miracle that Karl was as he was before now.

"I would rather die a mage than live as a Templar puppet!" Karl declared. Though sorrow filled his voice, the truth of his words was evident as his eyes began to tear.

Hawke finally stepped forward, standing next to Anders as she tears finally formed in her eyes.

"My sister calls being made Tranquil a fate worse than death." She said tenderly to Anders, struggling to keep her voice from breaking. She found it painfully ironic that she was silently thanking the Maker – in his house – for giving her the strength to help Anders kill his friend. Hawke hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it as he looked back to her. In her other hand was one of her daggers; she extended it to him. With a shaky hand, Anders clasped it, knowing what he had to do. "Give him peace," Hawke reassured, removing her hand and stepping back from Anders. His hand was still shaking as he looked to the dagger.

"I got here too late," He whispered before looking back to Karl. "I'm sorry, Karl." Anders was frozen to the spot. "I'm so sorry."

"Now! It's fading!" Karl cried, closing his eyes tightly as tears began streaming down his face. With a shudder, his demeanor changed as he straightened his stance. Karl slowly raised his head to look at Anders, ignorant of the tear trails on his cheeks. His eyes were empty again, and his face was blank. "Why do you look at me like that?" His voice was void of all emotion once more. Aveline approached Bethany as she began to sob softly. She held the weeping girl as Anders slowly approached Karl, the dagger at his side. Hawke forced herself to watch. She knew this was hard for Anders, she could see it plainly in his face and rigid features; she couldn't let him face this alone.

Anders stood in silence in front of Karl for a moment before saying gravely,

"Goodbye." Hawke heard the distinct sound of steel slicing through flesh and bone, and heard Karl gasp his last breath. Anders stood stock still as Karl fell to the ground. He waited a moment longer, keeping his head straight with his eyes fixed on the wardrobe Karl had been staring at moments before. He turned back around and handed Hawke back her dagger, refusing to meet her gaze.

"We should leave before more Templars come." He said softly, his voice as void of emotion as Karl's had been. The only difference was that Hawke knew why Anders refused to acknowledge the ache he felt. He was doing so to keep his head on straight long enough to get to safety. This wasn't because she knew him well enough to say so, but because it made the most sense.

Hawke followed wordlessly behind Anders. Varric followed Hawke, leaving Aveline and Bethany to bring up the rear. Bethany stared at Karl's body, his empty eyes still open. Even in death, Karl's expression was blank, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. Bethany stepped away from Aveline and walked toward him. She knelt next to him and gently closed his eyes. Still sniffling, she pressed her fingertips to his forehead and closed her own eyes.

"Ashes we were, and ashes we become." She chanted slowly. Bethany's voice carried through the empty Chantry, causing Anders to freeze in his steps. He was shaking as he heard Bethany's voice. Hawke paused as well and closed her eyes. She felt so bad for Anders and for Karl... It reminded her of losing her father and Carver all over again.

"Maker, give this man a place at your side. Let us find comfort in the peace he has found, in eternity." Bethany opened her eyes and leaned toward Karl, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Then she stood up and turned to Aveline. She had tears in her eyes now, a small smile on her face.

"Let's go." Aveline said gently. She led Bethany down the stairs, where everyone else was waiting for her. Hawke and Varric were turned to them, but Anders kept his back to everyone, not daring to look at anybody.

* * *

><p>The group quietly slipped out of the chantry, parting ways at the bottom of the steps. Hawke watched silently as Anders left without a word while Bethany wished Aveline and Varric good night.<p>

Hawke wanted to go straight home, take her son, and run; or at least, hug him to her until she was sure he was safe. But she knew he was safe at home, especially with Bethany heading back there. Instead, she decided it was best she went to check on Anders. Before heading to his clinic, she made a quick stop to the Blooming Rose.

* * *

><p>Anders heard a knock on his clinic door. He didn't feel up to healing anyone now, but he never liked turning anyone away. He sighed to himself before heading for the door. He unlatched it, ready to ask them if it was an emergency, but his words were silenced. Instead of seeing a patient waiting for him to let them in, Hawke was standing there, holding a bottle and two wooden cups.<p>

"I thought you could use some company." Hawke said softly. Anders could only nod dumbly and step aside. Hawke walked in, and Anders shut and latched the door behind her. She placed the dark bottle and cups on one of the patient tables. Hawke ignored the blood that was on it, and poured some of the alcohol into each cup.

"It's not as strong as back then, but it's something," She said, holding out a cup to Anders. He shook head his. Hawke gave Anders a small smirk, still holding the cup out to him. He gave a small, sad smile – admitting defeat – and took the cup from her, nodding his thanks.

Hawke hopped up on the table. Seconds later, Anders sat next to her not saying anything. She took a sip of her drink, and waited a few moments before speaking. She decided it was best not to talk about Karl, so instead she went for the other topic of the evening.

"That wasn't normal magic you did, was it?" She asked gingerly. Anders hadn't taken a drink, only held it before shaking his head.

"I..." He paused, and shook his head again, as if to restart his train of thought. "This is hard to explain... When I was in Amaranthine, I met a spirit of Justice who was trapped outside of the Fade." Anders paused again and looked to his cup. He raised it to his lips and hesitated before taking a sip, then went on. "We became friends. He recognized the injustice the mages of Thedas face every day."

"And that's different than a demon?" Hawke asked, taking another drink. Anders nodded. He still hadn't looked at Hawke, his tone was simple. She imagined it was the tone he used when speaking to a patient. He was still keeping himself in check because of what happened. Hawke didn't want to push him into crying on her shoulder, but she wanted him to react somehow. Maybe talking about this would help?

"Just as demons prey on the deadly sins of mankind, there are good spirits that embody our virtues. Spirits of Compassion, Fortitude, Justice." Anders took another sip. He looked to only be drinking enough to appease Hawke. She pretended not to take notice of it, and let him continue. "They are the Maker's first children, and they have all given up on us."

"This spirit sounds like a useful friend to have." Hawke found herself admitting before she could catch it. She really needed to work on that, now that she was working on gaining solid allies...

"He was far better to me than I have been to him." Anders took another sip. He still hadn't looked at her. "To live outside the Fade, he needed a host. I offered to help him." Anders looked down at the dirt floor now, staring at his feet. His were flat on the floor while Hawke's were dangling; her toes barely reached the floor. "We were going to work together, bring justice to every child ever ripped away from his mother to be sent to the Circle." Hawke felt her heart clench at the thought of Janath being taken away from her. She took bigger drink at the thought, finishing off her cup.

"But... I guess I had too much anger. Once he was inside me, he... Changed." Hawke looked back to Anders. He looked so ashamed of himself, so much so that his face was going red from embarrassment. It was a mistake – a costly one at that – but how could he have known what the outcome would have been?

"This is obviously difficult for you," Hawke observed, looking to her empty cup.

"I thought I was helping a friend," Anders whispered. He was staring at the wall again. "He would have... Died, I guess." Anders shook his head before he raised his cup to his lips. "If that means anything." Hawke gave a small smile, noting that he took a real drink this time. That was a good sign – she didn't want him smashed or anything of the sort, she just wanted him to relax and have a moment to himself. Anders didn't seem as if he did anything for himself anymore.

Hawke's smile faded before he spoke up again.

"And he wanted to help me. He knew what mages have suffered," Anders took a shaky breath and closed his eyes. "But my anger…" He trailed off as he opened his eyes again. "When I see Templars now – things that have always outraged me, but I could never do anything about – _He_ comes out, and he us no longer my friend Justice. He is a force of Vengeance. And he has no grasp of mercy."

Hawke waited before she spoke, letting his words settle in and for the questions to form.

"Can Justice ever be separated from you?" She asked.

"I don't think so." Hawke's heart dropped; Anders answered that a little too quickly, "The only way a spirit has ever been separated from a living host is by its death." Anders closed his eyes again, his voice wavering for the first time in their conversation. "The curse of my own making. All I can do now is hope to control it."

"Can you bring him out at will?" Hawke questioned as she set down her cup.

"No," She felt herself go colder as he spoke, but managed to keep herself visibly calm while her heart began to race. "He comes only out when I've lost all power over myself." Hawke's heart sank a little more for Anders and the bad news his story bore. But her heart also sank for her son. This could mean he would never be able to meet his father; because Anders could be a danger to everyone around him. Who knows how Anders would react to finding out he had a son? The worst jumped to her mind instantly, and made Hawke cringe mentally. But she forced herself to listen as Anders went on "It's a madness, a frenzy. I only find out after what I might have done." Hawke looked down at her hands and closed her eyes before saying gently – though she knew the answer already.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" She slowly looked up at Anders, and was almost startled to see he was finally looking at her.

"You're the first one I've ever told this. Thank you for not running away." Hawke felt her heart racing still as she realized that was all he needed for now, someone to listen to him. She looked at him for a long time, not saying anything. She wanted desperately to hold him – tell him that it would be alright – but she knew better. Anders broke the silence.

"My maps are yours. As am I, if you wish me to join your expedition." Anders looked away finally. He looked to his cup again, and took a drink. "I thought I was done with the Grey Wardens, but if you have any need of me..." Anders didn't finish his sentence at first, seeming unsure what to say. Hawke almost hoped he wouldn't finish his sentence, but how he finished it made her want to melt for him all over again. "I'll be waiting here."

_Any need of you...?_ She almost asked, but bit her tongue and poured herself another cup from the dark bottle.

Instead, Hawke set the bottle back down, and they sat in silence again. Hawke found herself smirking a moment later as she went to take another drink.

"So, that explains your whole sexy tortured look." She said innocently.

It seemed Anders had chosen that moment to take a drink as well, because it went spraying out his mouth, and he coughed. Hawke saw him stare at her in astonishment out of the corner of her eye as she continued to look innocent.

"Perhaps I should check a looking glass more often." Anders stated. This nearly made Hawke spit out her drink as she looked at him with wide eyes. His eyes were still as wide.

He really _had_ been changed by this. She remembered him being confident in his looks, his charms, everything about him. This was now a man who had truly changed who he was because of the clear and present danger he posed to the people around him.

Hawke gave Anders a small, reassuring smile before leaning toward him and nudging him with her shoulder. He gave a small smile and nudged back with his elbow before taking another drink. Then he set down his empty cup and stood up from the table.

"Thank you." He said, "For your help, and for checking up on me – though it wasn't necessary." Hawke smiled at Anders again. She downed the rest of her drink and stood up as well.

"You're welcome. And of course it was necessary." She insisted. Anders gave a grateful smile, and then his smile shifted to a playful smirk

"By the way," He began slowly in a tone that was meant to tease. This made Hawke a little nervous for some reason. "Do you think I could know your name? Or would you rather I called you Blue, still?" Hawke gave a small laugh, mostly one of relief.

"Still a stickler for names, I see?" She said, "Alright then, Serah Anders. My name is Kaiya Hawke." Anders looked to be processing this new information before nodding. "Everyone calls me Hawke, though."

"What would you prefer I called you, now that I have a plethora of names to choose from?" He asked, smiling again. Hawke felt awash with relief, seeing him smile. After everything he had been through, it was so nice to see a shred of happiness on his face.

"Out in public, Hawke, please. When we're with friends, you can call me Kaiya or Kai." Kaiya popped the cork back into the bottle, and stacked the cups on the table. "And on that note, it's time for me to get home." She said, then added quickly as Anders gave her an odd look, "My mother worries." Anders nodded.

"Maybe we can chat again sometime?" Kaiya offered. "It would be nice to talk to someone my own age that isn't family or about strictly business."

"I'd like that." Anders agreed. Kaiya smiled at Anders before kissing him on the cheek. She lingered there longer than she had planned, but then she felt Anders slowly slip an arm around her waist. She relaxed against him as she wrapped her arms around the back of his neck. She hesitantly pulled away from his cheek, but didn't want to step out of his embrace just yet. He stared into her eyes, her own uncertainty reflected in his.

She wasn't sure who made the first move, but his lips were as soft and warm as she remembered.

* * *

><p><em>Before Kaiya knew it, Anders was kissing her again, pressing her against a wall. She wasn't sure what she was doing, trying to mimic how he was moving his lips against hers. She had only snogged a few boys in her day, and most of them were trying to eat her lips or shove their tongue down her throat. But Anders was a natural at this; that put her even more at ease, and made her wonder what else he was good at. <em>

_Kaiya felt him slide a hand down to her hip, then down to take hold of her skirt and slip the fabric up her leg. She jumped when his warm hand touched her bare thigh. Kaiya gasped at the contact, opening her mouth for his tongue to slip in and brush against hers. She moaned as Anders deepened the kiss. With her's arms loosely wrapped around the back of his neck, Anders began working on the laces at the front of her bodice while caressing her thigh and hip with his other hand. Her heart began to race as she felt him slip the bodice loose. Then, he placed a hand on one of her arms, and gently removed it from his shoulder to slip her sleeve down her arm. After putting her arm back on his shoulder, he repeated the process with the other. Kaiya pulled out of the kiss, her chest heaving as Anders began to nibble at her jaw and kiss his way down her neck. He took his hand from her thigh, and took hold of the top of her dress and began to pull it down over her hips. Now that the bodice was loosened, it slipped to the floor with no problem, and pooled at Kaiya's feet_

_Kaiya could scarcely believe this was finally happening. And she was already down to her smalls. Anders pressed his lips to hers again, his kisses frenzied now. She never knew it was possible to get lost in something as simple as kissing someone before, and she reveled in it._

_Kaiya knew in order for this to work better, they both needed to be naked, and it wasn't fair that he was still fully clothed. She began pawing and pulling at the front of his robes, unsure of where to unbutton or untie or unclasp them. She heard Anders chuckle as he pulled away. In the dark room, Kaiya could barely make out Anders's figure, but soon enough he returned to her. _

_She gasped, feeling his skin against hers. _

_Maker, this was blissful. She moaned; and she wasn't even completely naked yet! _

_Kaiya gasped again, feeling Anders pinch one of her nipples through her breast bind. She whimpered – she didn't even know she could make that sound! – at the warring pain and pleasure that shot through her. _

"_Not so hard, please." She found herself begging. _

"_Mmmm, so you prefer this?" Anders asked. She shivered; his voice seemed deeper. Then, she felt his thumb brush over her pebbled nipple. _

"_Ah! Uh-huh!" She cried out softly._

"_How about this?" He purred. He pulled her breast bind down, letting it slide down to rest at her hips. Kaiya cried out louder as she felt Anders tongue flick at her nipple. He slid a hand to the small of her back and pulled her closer, taking her nipple into his mouth. _

"_Maker, that feels... Delicious." Anders chuckled against Kaiya's breast._

"_I thought you'd like that." He teased as he pulled her away from the wall. He took her hand, leading her toward the bed. Anders sat on the edge of the bed, and pulled Kaiya down to him, making her straddle his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her tight to him, and took her other nipple in his mouth. Kaiya moaned, tipping her head back as she felt Anders moving underneath her. He shifted their positions, and Kaiya's back hit the bed . Anders began to work her smalls down her hips, and removed her breast bind. She was completely naked now, and Anders parted her legs before settling between them. _

_Kaiya's eyes shot open as Anders began kissing his way up her neck. She felt herself sober very quickly as she realized what was happening. She was about to lose her virginity to a stranger. She heard it was supposed to be painful a girls' first time. _

"_A-Anders..." She said slowly, her breath starting to hitch in panic. "St-stop for a minute." Anders paused at her throat before leaning back to look down at her in what little lighting there was. _

"_What's the matter?" He asked. _

"_I – Anders. I need to tell you something before we go any further." Kaiya said. Anders gave a small smile before leaning into kiss her neck gently. _

"_What is it, sweetheart?" He asked, trying to get her to relax again. Kaiya shivered at his tone, and rolled over her and melted her like butter. _

"_Anders, I - " She swallowed nervously. She was trying to focus on anything but the feel of Anders's skin against her's, and how good it felt to have him settled between her legs. She moaned before finally admitting. "I – I'm a virgin." Anders froze. He stiffened against Kaiya before slowly pulling away from her and lying next to her with his arm draped over her waist. _

"_What?" Kaiya bit her lip and slowly repeated. _

"_I'm a virgin..." Anders stared at her, unsure how to react. But before he could do anything, Kaiya sat up, and swung her feet over the edge of the bed. Anders sat up quickly and took hold of her arm. _

"_Where are you going?" He asked her, sliding closer, but not touching her. _

"_I'm getting dressed and heading back to where I'm staying," She said, her tone was distant. "I can see you don't have any interest in going any further." _

"_Blue, I didn't say that." Anders said. He scooted next to her and placed a hand on her thigh. "It's just – wow. I didn't expect that." Anders shook his head. "I mean – because you're a virgin, we'll just have to... Go slow." He said cautiously. He leaned in, and pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder, squeezing her thigh like he did at the bar. Kaiya took a deep breath, and exhaled as she relaxed. He kissed and nibbled up her shoulder as he moved behind her. He caressed her arms, and up her shoulders to her back as he kissed the back of her neck. His hands reached Kaiya's braid, and gently pulled out the tie holding it together at the end. He continued kissing Kaiya's shoulders and neck as he slowly unbraided her hair. He listened to her breath hitch in anticipation as her hair came loose. It was past her shoulder blades once he ran his fingers through it. _

_Anders pressed one more kiss to her shoulder before he pulled away, but took a hold of Kaiya hand. He kissed it gently before guiding her back to the middle of the bed with him. He dotted her collarbone and neck with kisses before he reached her lips. As he kissed her, he leaned her back into the mattress to try again. _

"_Besides," He murmured against her lips, "You must be a mage too, to have me so enthralled."_

* * *

><p>Kaiya wove her fingers into Anders' hair at the base of his neck as he kept his arms wrapped loosely around her waist. Anders moaned as he felt Kaiya massaging his scalp. But then he quickly pulled away, and before Kaiya could do anything else, he stepped back. He didn't look at her. She studied him as he kept his eyes fixed on the ground. She reached for him, but he pulled away. She didn't care if they were to go any further than kissing – she didn't care if they kissed at all anymore – she just didn't like seeing him like this.<p>

"Anders."

"You – you should go." He said, turning away from her.

"Please, wait." Kaiya begged softly. He paused. She walked around Anders to look at him. "Are you going to be alright?" Anders gave a small, swift nod. He was avoiding looking at her again, instead looking to the ground. She placed a hand on his cheek, brushing her thumb along his cheekbone gently.

"Tell me you'll be alright, and I'll go." She promised. Anders lifted his gaze to look at her. She knew he wouldn't be alright, not just tonight, but not for a long time – if ever again. She slowly pulled Anders to her again. This time, she simply hugged him. He remained stiff in her arms, but she didn't let go of him. She held him tighter when he didn't move, and rested her head against his shoulder. She felt him shudder, and release a shaky breath. His arms slowly raised to hug her as his head rested against hers.

Nothing else needed to be said, and nothing else needed to be done. Kaiya simple held on to Anders, and let him hold on to her. She sighed in relief and closed her eyes. It was then that she realized that maybe she needed this too. So, she found an unexpected comfort in his arms, when she was hoping to comfort him.

* * *

><p>Kaiya came into the little hovel quietly, knowing everyone was bound to be asleep. It was late enough, and she took longer than expected to leave Anders at his clinic. She wanted to make he would be okay for the night. She promised to check in tomorrow, though he said it wouldn't be necessary.<p>

"It's late," Kaiya jumped, hearing her mother's voice. "It's about time you showed up." She was sitting at the fire place. "Janath was asking for you when Bethany came home. He woke up looking for you."

"I'm sorry, mother." Kaiya apologized abashedly as she approached the fireplace. She took a seat on the floor next to Leandra's chair. Her mother sighed, placing a hand on Kaiya's head. Kaiya rested her head on her mother's knee and sighed. She felt her mother take her hair out of her stubby ponytail at the back of her head, and comb her fingers through her hair, like she used to when she was a little girl.

"Bethany told me," Her mother began slowly, "About the healer." Kaiya stiffened, but let her mother continue. "She was stunned at how Janath looks like him."

"She wasn't supposed to say anything..." Kaiya said quietly. She fought back the anger that threatened to seep into her voice.

"Kaiya, darling." Leandra paused in her strokes. "This is your decision, between you and the healer. But he should know."

"I know mother, I just-" Kaiya sighed.

"Is that where you were? With the healer? Anders?" Kaiya nodded against her mother's knee, not daring to look at her mother. She expected disappointment on her face. But her tone as she went on told her she wasn't mad at her – not even in the slightest. "Bethany told me what happened to his friend too. That poor man..." Her mother said softly as she continued to stare into the fire. She began combing her fingers through Kaiya's hair again and Kaiya relaxed once more. "I think... it was right of you to go see him. I'm sure you didn't tell him about Janath, but I can't imagine what he must be going through."

"There's so much more troubling him, mother." Kaiya said slowly, her tone expressing her loss for words at the situation she found herself in. "I'm not sure if it would be safe for Janath to be around him."

"Like I said, that's for you to decide. When the time comes for you to tell him about Janath, you'll know. But make sure you don't wait too long, or else it could end very badly. And poor Janath will be in the middle of it. He's such a sweet little boy," Leandra said softly, as if the last part was more of an afterthought she meant to keep to herself. But Kaiya didn't need her to say it, she knew what her mother was thinking. Janath is barely five years old, and he's already been through more hardship than most adults see in their lives. Kaiya couldn't help but feel there had to be something else she should have done to protect him. "He'll be a fine young man, Kaiya." Her mother's voice pulled her from her despairing thoughts. "Your father would be proud of you, as he would have been of him."

"Thank you." Kaiya meekly spoke, feeling tears in her eyes. "I'm going to bed now, alright?" She said, lifting her head. Leandra nodded, a small smile on her face. Kaiya stood up. Leandra handed Kaiya back her hair tie before Kaiya kissed her on the cheek and hugged her. "Good night, Mother."

"Goodnight, dear," Her mother said, hugging her back tightly. Kaiya headed to the side room and changed out of her armor. She pulled on a thin shift and a pair of old breeches before quietly slipping into the bedroll in between Bethany and Janath. Kaiya's eyes fell on her son's sleeping face, she simply watched him as he slept before reaching out and tenderly stroking his hair. She smiled when she heard him mutter something unintelligible in his sleep. He rolled over to face her and slowly opened his eyes, just enough to see.

"Momma?" He said quietly, "Yer home." Kaiya nodded before she sat up, and scooted her bedroll closer to Janath's as slowly sat up. He crawled into his mother's lap and curled up against her. Kaiya smiled, hugging him to her. She kissed the top of his head before he spoke again.

"Auntie Beth said yer friend had uh very bad day, an' tha's why you weren' home. Iz 'e okay?" Janath asked sleepily. Kaiya bit her lip and closed her eyes, feeling the tears well in them again.

"For now, he is." She said softly. She stroked his hair lovingly. "I did what I could for him to help him before I came home to you, sweetheart."

"Tha's good. I'm glad yer frien's okay fer now, Momma." Janath murmured with a yawn. Soon, his breathing slowed, and he was back to sleep. Kaiya took a shaky breath, and hugged her son tighter to her. She shuddered as a quiet sob escaped. She rocked his sleeping form back and forth as she cried quietly.

* * *

><p>And there's Chapter two. What I would like to try and do is put out a chapter about a week apart. Does that mean it'll happen, not likely ^^;;;; I apologize in advance for that. (Goodness, I'm throwing apologizes and 'thank you's all over the place! The thing is, I really do mean them - especially the 'thank you's)<p>

While I probably shouldn't mention this so soon, I've already told one reviewer, so I might as well tell anyone else who's keeping tabs on my little project. I'm planning on making this a trilogy – a fic written for each act. I'm very excited to see where this goes, and I hope you guys are too!

Thanks again to my beta, you silly person! Lol

And thank you again for reading! =) And thanks in advance for anyone who reviews! I'll try to keep up with any reviews and answer them before I post the following chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry it's so late! But I've come to realize that between life and putting the desired amount of quality I want into my fics – and get the focus to work on them X_X; - more than a week is necessary... Sooooo, my new goal is two weeks, and if I can post earlier, I'll pat myself on the back. ^^;

Thanks, as usual, for reading, and especially for reviewing! I love reviews, especially the ones that give me ideas, or give suggestions as to where they'd like to see my fic going. I admit, I won't go with _everything,_ but I like hearing for people and what they would like to see =)

And here in America, it's Super Bowl Sunday, and my boyfriend's team is playing this year XD; So, I'm working on getting some more typed up before then. Yes, I said I was a few chapters ahead – and I still am – but I'd like to keep it that way. That, and I try to keep my beta in the loop so that she can keep up with me the reading material XD;

Something else I like to try and do is reply to reviews, and generally I'll do that right before I post my next chapter, if not before. I feel that shows that I appreciate the reviews more if I respond to them personally (I know I love hearing back from someone after I've reviewed their fic =) )

Technically, this chapter was supposed to be MUCH longer, but my beta and both agreed it would be best to cut it in half-ish, since it was – as she put it – two times longer than the first chapter. Now for the lengthy disclaimer:

_**The majority of the characters, settings, and the like involved in the fic's plot (as well as some of the **__**dialogue) are property of Bioware/EA Games. I claim no ownership over them, but this story was written by me, and inspired by and based on the Dragon Age Universe, and it's story lines. I have no intention of make absolutely any profit from this. Many of my references come from in-game videos posted on Youtube, the postings Dragon Age Wiki, and whatever resources I find on the internet associated with the game and it's fandom. If anyone wishes for direct links to my references, feel free to message me and I'd be happy to send them your way. (If I can remember where I found them exactly, I apologize if I don't find it right away)**_

**Thank you.  
><strong>

Thank you again for reading! Here's Chapter 3, finally XD;

* * *

><p><em>Every single decision I make about what material I do, what I'm putting out in the world, is because of my children. - Meryl Streep<em>

* * *

><p>"I think I'll see if Anders needs help at his clinic." Bethany thought aloud. Kaiya looked at Bethany curiously. "It would be nice to get out of the house and do some good; maybe make up for the smuggling we had to do for a year." She teased her sister. Kaiya rolled her eyes. She continued to brush out Janath's hair while he tapped at the floor with a stick the dog found.<p>

"Between that and the Red Irons, that was the lesser of the two evils." Kaiya replied flatly.

"What ever happened to that pendant Flemeth gave you?" Bethany asked suddenly. Kaiya raised an eyebrow. She'd all but forgotten about it.

"It should be in with mother's clothes." Kaiya said before giggling. "There, Uncle Gamlen's less likely to search through for something to sell."

"Eeeeeew! Great-Uncle Gamlen wants to go through Gramma's clothes?" Janath groused. Kaiya laughed at her son before kissing the top of his head.

"No, that's why the pendant the dragon lady gave us is in there." She explained.

"That's good." Janath said before looking to his mother. "Momma, can I be a dragon?"

"Surely you wouldn't want to be a big, scary dragon, Janath?" Bethany said, smiling at her nephew, "How else will you court girls if you're always breathing fire at them?"

"Blech! I don't even like girls!"

"Enough of that, young man," Kaiya teased. "Your aunt and I were girls before we were your mother and aunt. I'll not have you talking about girls like that around us or Gramma." Janath began hitting at the dirt floor with the stick he was holding, looking rather shameful. Bethany smirked at her sister before she went on. "But you're free to speak ill of girls around your Great-Uncle Gamlen, as long as you tell us what he says about us," she joked.

"Okay." Janath said, smiling before he began scratching at the dirt floor with his stick instead.

"Maybe we should take that pendant up to the Dalish soon?" Bethany said as she stood up from the floor and brushed the dirt off her backside. "But I'm going to see if Anders would like some help. It's better than waiting around for work to pop up." Kaiya gave a small laugh as Bethany made her way to the door and quietly left.

"Want to go see Varric today?" Kaiya asked as she finished brushing Janath's hair. It didn't need to be brushed for so long, but Janath enjoyed it – usually – and Kaiya liked doing it. "Maybe he has something for me to do."

"Okay!" Janath said as he jumped up. Kaiya smiled as she made her way to the small chest with her's and Janath's clothes. "Awwww! Momma, are you gonna make me take a bath while I'm there?"

"Janath, little boys get dirty, and so they need to bathe once in a while."

"But I never see Varric with wet hair or taking a bath," Janath protested as his mother pulled out a set of clean clothes for Janath from the chest before closing and locking it.

"Because grown men know to bathe and don't need their mothers telling them to do so." Kaiya said as she tossed the clothes in a satchel. She knelt to the ground and picked up her son. She was still too scared to let him walk around Lowtown yet, she had made too many enemies in the past year.

"Do I have to bathe?" Janath whined.

"Yes, Janath. Even Mackerel has to bathe once in a while." At the mention of his name, Mackerel stood up from his corner in the room. He yawned and stretched before lazily walking over to his mistress' side.

"Momma, can I walk to the Hanged Man today? We'll have Mackerel with us; he'll keep me safe if something happens."

"Not today," Kaiya said, "I'd rather carry you when you know you're going to get a bath, that way you're less likely to run away or try to get overly dirty and make my job harder." She teased. Janath looked at his mother with wide sad eyes that she read as 'Who, me?' She chuckled at her son before opening the door. Mackerel walked out ahead of Kaiya, making it easier to shut the door behind her.

"But it's not very far..." Janath protested quietly as they walked down the steps.

"That's enough." Kaiya stated, a tone of finality plain as day in her words. Janath gave a small sigh of defeat and rested her head against his mother's shoulder. He remained silent for the short trip to the Hanged Man.

* * *

><p>"Ah, it looks like it's bath day." Varric said as Kaiya walked in and set Janath down. Mackerel made his way to Varric's seat and rested his head on the arm of his chair. "What?" Varric asked, looking to the dog in slight annoyance. Mackerel snuffed at the blond dwarf. Varric sighed before taking a turkey bone from his lunch . He gave it to Mackerel with a pat on the head. Mackerel gave a small bark with the bone in his mouth before making his way to a corner – out of the way of the inevitable battle to get Janath to bathe he knew was about to take place.<p>

"Now, be a good boy and stay here while I go get the bath water."

"Where's Sunshine today?" Varric asked.

"She went to see if Anders needed help at the clinic." Kaiya explained as she headed for the door again. "I figured it wouldn't hurt, and she looks at it as penance for all the 'evil deeds' we were forced to partake in for the past year." She said, rolling her eyes. Varric chuckled.

"Whatever tickles her fancy," Varric said. Kaiya jumped at the sound of shouting as a fight broke out at the bar. It didn't sound like a simple bar fight, and it put Kaiya on edge.

"Varric, stay with Janath. Mackerel, come on!" Kaiya called as she hurried out the door.

"Momma! You're not wearing any armor!" Janath protested as he went to run after her. Varric grabbed Janath by the collar and pulled him back more roughly than he intended as Mackerel bounded after Kaiya.

"Yer ma don't need any armor right now, but if you get hurt because you were telling her that, she'll skin me." Varric said before shutting the door and locking it.

Varric waited in silence. He stood guard at the door, ready with Bianca if the need for her services arose. Janath stood anxiously behind him, worried for his mother. Varric looked over his shoulder, then did a double take as he realized Janath was right behind him. He quickly waved back, motioning Janath to get farther away from him and the door – especially the door.

"Git away, kid! I said get back! Go'wan!" Janath scampered away, heading next to Varric's bed, and hid under it.

After more of the tense silence, nothing was heard from the barroom. There was a knock at the door, followed by Kaiya calling,

"Coast's clear, Varric." Varric opened the door to let an annoyed-looking Kaiya in. She was rubbing one of her temples with one hand, a dagger gripped tightly in the other. Janath scurried out from under the bed and hurried to his mother.

"What happened, Momma?" He asked, "Are you okay?"

"No, no, I'm fine," Kaiya said before pulling a chair from the table and dropping into it.

"You don't sound fine," Janath noted, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Janath. Go get ready for your bath." Kaiya replied, waving his questions off.

"But Momma-"

"Janath. I won't say it again." Kaiya said sternly, fighting the urge to raise her voice. Janath looked to his mother with wide eyes before sulking off away from his mother. "The water should be up in a few minutes. I expect you ready by then."

Varric watched Janath go behind the curtain where the bath tub sat. He walked over to Kaiya, who looked to be getting a worse headache.

"Not go so well?" Varric asked quietly.

"It seems I've unwittingly volunteered myself to referee a duel." Kaiya muttered. "Stupid woman..."

"You or the person you offered your services for?" Varric smirked. Kaiya gave Varric a small glare.

"Isabela." Kaiya grumbled flatly.

"Ah, the Rivani that's been hanging around at the bar." Varric said with a nod. Kaiya glanced at Varric, a little relieved he knew who she was talking about. She leaned back in her chair.

"What do you know about her?"

"She's been a busy girl for the last year or so," Varric explained. "Been busting her hump up and down looking for someone, or something. Got here about the same time you did, if not a little after."

"Well, she's got me watching her back to make sure the person she's dueling plays fair," Kaiya sighed, shaking her head. "Not sure what's going on, but this should be interesting."

"Let me guess, you don't think they'll play by the rules?" Varric asked. He glanced to the door, seeing Mackerel finally meandering in, a larger bone than what Varric gave him securely in his mouth – he looked proud of himself for having gotten it too. Mackerel trotted to his original spot with his turkey bone, and set to work on his newer, bigger snack. Varric shook his head as Kaiya smirked.

"Isabela got that for him, for biting the butt of the last man she fought as he was tripping all over himself on his way out." She said. "But to answer your question, no. Neither does she, obviously."

"Smart woman." Varric agreed.

"Smart for her, of course. But I see this ending bloody for someone." Kaiya eyed the curtain where her son was waiting. "I'll be missing his bedtime again tonight." Kaiya sighed, shaking her head. Varric laid a hand on her shoulder, giving her a good shake.

"Don't get like that, Hawke," Varric said, "We both know that little boy's what keeps yer head straight."

"I know that," Kaiya said with a nod, "But that doesn't mean I'm doing right by him." She stood up and made for the door. She leaned against the frame and crossed her arms over her chest. "This whole business with Anders," She said softly, not wanting Janath to hear this particular part of the conversation especially. "One day, he's going to ask me so many questions about this time, about why I did what I did to make sure our family was safe, about how I made our way through this; but one question I dread him asking one day is, where is his father? What do I tell him when his father was here, and he had the chance to see him, or meet him? I don't think I'd have the heart to tell him, no, he couldn't meet him. He might not understand for a long time why I did what I did, or why I wouldn't let them meet."

"I don't know what to tell you, Hawke." Varric began, "But you need to worry about that then, when it happens. I'm sure by then, you'll have some of the answers he needs, and ones he understands." Kaiya gave a small smile before looking over her shoulder.

"Golly Varric, that almost sounded like you care."

"Of course I care, Hawke!" Varric said, pretending to sound wounded as he put a hand over his heart, "I care how this whole tale turns out, since I'm going to be the one there to tell it." Kaiya gave a small laugh as she heard the tromp of heavy-weighted steps headed their way. She looked back to see some of the barmaids making their way to Varric's room. All of them were carrying two bucket loads of water each. Kaiya hurried to one of them and took two of the buckets.

"Just set them in front of the curtain, please." Kaiya said, heading behind the curtain. Kaiya dumped some of the water in the tub. Janath was sitting on the edge of the tub with a towel around him to keep him warm while he waited. "Alright, get in." She said as she dumped some of the water in. Janath remained quiet and set the towel on the floor before he climbed into the tub as his mother finished dumping the water in. Once the buckets were emptied into the tub, Kaiya came out from behind the curtain to find Varric handing the girls some coins to tip them for bringing the water.

"Thanks Varric." Kaiya said, smiling.

"Did Janath have lunch yet?" One of the barmaids – Norah – asked. Kaiya smiled, shaking her head.

"Do you have something to fix up for him?" Norah nodded eagerly.

"Yes, Serah."

"Could he get something after his bath then?" Kaiya asked, reaching into her coin purse to grab a few coins for Janath's lunch. Norah waved it off.

"None of that, I'll not let babes starve while there be good food going to waste."

"You're a doll, Norah," Varric said, smiling at the woman. Norah gave Varric a glare.

"Tell anyone and I'll see to it you're shaved in your sleep," the bar maid threatened. Varric gave a small chuckle as Norah headed for the door.

"Your secret's safe with me."

"Until you write your next tall tale!" Norah declared before shutting the door behind her. Kaiya shook her head as she headed to make sure Janath was properly bathed.

* * *

><p>"A blood bath!" Hawke declared as she stomped into the Hanged Man. Varric looked irritated himself, as did Bethany, but Isabela – now the newest member of their ragtag bunch – looked rather pleased. "That was ridiculous, Isabela!" Hawke all but screamed as she turned on her.<p>

"I told you that he wasn't going to play fair!"

"But you didn't tell us about this Castion fellow he was working for." Bethany cut in.

"There was more at stake here than your life!" Hawke said, getting into Isabela's face. "We've all got responsibilities too, you know!"

"Well, I have a responsibility to my life!" Isabela said, glaring at Hawke, and not budging as Hawke stared her down. "And I saw to it! I knew I could put my life in your capable hands. Clearly, that was a mistake!" And with that, Isabela turned on heel, and headed back to her spot at the bar.

"Wasn't that was a bit much, Hawke?" Varric asked, not sure he wanted to poke at the temper of the now very pissed off Kaiya Hawke.

"That stupid whore nearly got us killed, and you're asking if that was a bit MUCH?" Hawke shrieked before stomping back out of the bar. Bethany sighed, shaking her head.

"She's upset because she didn't get to tuck Janath into bed again." Bethany said softly, "She's missed a lot of bedtimes lately, and sometimes she has to leave before he gets up. She hates not being there for him; she's had a lot on her mind lately."

"I know." Varric said, shaking his head. He rubbed the back of his neck before adding, "I'll talk to Rivani and smooth things over with her. You tend to your fire-breathing sister?"

"Always," Bethany said, smiling at the dwarf. "Good night, Varric."

"See ya around, Sunshine," Varric said, waving before heading to the bar. "How about we go up to my room for a chat, Rivani?" Varric's offer to Isabela traveled to Bethany's ears as she headed outside of the Hanged Man after her sister.

Kaiya was waiting for her sister just outside the door. She was staring up at the darkened clouds with an equally ominous expression.

"She's so selfish!" Kaiya declared. "We almost got killed tonight because she didn't tell us what was going on." Kaiya spit at the ground, as if just the taste of the words were vile enough to not keep on her tongue. "Selfish bitch!"

"This goes deeper than that, Kaiya." Bethany said gently, knowing she was toeing the line – a very _dangerous_ line. Kaiya turned on her sister with a glare.

"I have more important things to do with my time than worry about what some damn, needy pirate!" She growled bitterly.

"Maybe you should take a few days off." Bethany offered. "I'll stick with Varric and keep an ear out for work. Just stay home and spend time with Janath." Kaiya's angry features faltered at her sister's words. She sighed and turned away.

"That's not what this is about." Then Kaiya added. "Well, not just that."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm – I've been thinking, about Anders; about whether I should tell him about Janath." Kaiya said quietly. "And I'm worried about this expedition."

"We'll get the money for it, don't worry." Bethany reassured her sister.

"It's not that!" Kaiya burst out in protest. She crossed her arms over her chest and began biting her lip nervously. She began tapping her foot at her own impatience. "What if I don't come back from it? What if something happens to me? What will happen to Janath?"

"Kai," Bethany soothed. She pulled Kaiya into a tight hug before going on, "He will be alright. Even if for some reason you don't come back, there will be people to take care of Janath."

"But what if I never tell Anders about him? What will Janath think of me if he ever finds out when he's older?"

"Kaiya, listen to yourself!" Bethany said with a small laugh as she pulled away and placed her hands on her sister's shoulders. "You never fret over things like this. I think you're getting yourself worried over nothing." Kaiya gave a small sigh and stepped away from her sister.

"It's not 'nothing'," Kaiya said meekly. "It's the worries of a mother who lives a dangerous lifestyle, for the sake of keeping her family safe, and ensuring they're taken care of."

"If that's the case," Kaiya looked up at Bethany's matter-of-factly tone, "You'll just have to make sure that Anders knows about Janath before we leave on the expedition."

"But how's that going to work? I want Anders to go because he's an amazing healer, but what happens if Anders and I both -" Kaiya cut herself off, tears in her eyes at the thought.

"You just said it yourself, Kai. Anders is a good healer, and he's a Grey Warden. That's a good combination to have on your side when going into the Deep Roads." Bethany reasoned. Kaiya gave another weary sigh. She pulled off one of her gloves then scrubbed at her eyes with her freed hand.

"I hope you're right." Kaiya muttered before turning away from her sister to head home. Bethany followed behind, keeping silent at first for the short trip. But when they reached the steps to Gamlen's home, Bethany placed a hand on her sister's arm. Kaiya paused and looked back at her.

"Why not go see Anders tomorrow? Maybe you can get to know him a little better, so that you'll have a better idea of what his reaction will be?" Kaiya thought her words over carefully before giving a small nod. She turned back to the stairs, sighing as she pulled off her other glove and opened the door.

"Momma!" Kaiya's eyes widened to see Janath running toward her. She knelt to the ground and held her arms out to him as he reached her. She felt her heart clench as he started crying loudly against her neck. She looked to her mother curiously, who looked pale.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Kaiya asked tenderly. She placed her gloves on the ground next to the door and picked Janath up. She stood up and carried him back to where they slept as Bethany picked up Kaiya's gloves from the floor.

"I – I had a nightmare, Momma." Janath sobbed into her neck, clinging tightly to her. Kaiya stroked his hair tenderly as she knelt to his bedroll and hugged him tightly.

"Shhhh, it's alright darling. I'm right here," she said softly. "Do you want to tell me about your dream?" Janath shook his head furiously as he wailed. Instead, Kaiya held Janath tightly, rocking back and forth. She whispered soothing words to him as he clung to her.

Eventually, Janath's crying died down, and his breathing slowed. Carefully, Kaiya laid Janath back down in his bedroll and tucked him in. She kissed his forehead softly, then wiped the tears left on his little face. Once Kaiya felt a little more at ease, she stood up to head to where her mother was waiting in the other room.

"He misses you, Kaiya." Leandra said quietly. Bethany was sitting with her mother too, staring into the fire.

"I know," Kaiya replied gravely. She knew he missed her; she missed spending time with him too. Kaiya began undoing the buckles to her armor before going on. "Did he tell you what his nightmare was about?"

"Templars." Leandra admitted in a whisper, as if just whispers of them would bring them crashing through the door. Kaiya stiffened, pausing at a buckle at her waist.

"What about them?" She asked worriedly.

"They had come to take him away." Leandra said softly, "He doesn't understand that they won't take him unless he's a mage. He only knows that we were hiding from them to keep your father and Bethany safe." Kaiya kept her eyes on the ground as she continued to work at the buckles on her armor.

"But he could still be a mage," Kaiya said, louder than she felt necessary after a moment of thought, "His powers might not have manifested yet."

"That may be, but he doesn't understand that." Leandra said. Kaiya began working her leggings off silently, glancing to Bethany.

The room settled into a stiff quiet, everyone on edge. Kaiya sincerely hoped that it was only a nightmare, nothing more.

* * *

><p>"Janath, sweetheart, wake up." Kaiya murmured softly to her son. Janath murmured and rolled over to face his mother. He slowly opened his eyes to look at her. Kaiya smiled at him and kissed his forehead. "Want to go see Varric and have breakfast at the Hanged Man?" Kaiya asked. Janath's eyes widened and he shot up.<p>

"Uh-huh!" He exclaimed. Kaiya laughed.

"Get dressed then, and quickly. He's expecting us." Janath scrambled out of his bedroll and hurried to the chest with his and his mother's clothes. She was already dressed in her leather armor and ready to go.

"Momma, if Mackerel goes with us, can I walk there today?" Janath asked. Kaiya considered this for a moment before smiling at Janath.

"Alright." Janath's eyes widened before he gave his mother a bright smile and ran back to her. He threw his arms around her and hugged her tightly, cheering. Kaiya smiled, hugging him close. "But you need to stay right with me, okay?" Janath pulled away, nodding vigorously and still smiling. "No running away or running ahead. Got it?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Now, hurry up and get dressed, Varric's waiting."

Once they reached the Hanged Man, Kaiya sent Janath to Varric's room with Mackerel, both of them bounding up the stairs eagerly. She walked quietly behind, smiling to herself. It seemed his nightmare was all but forgotten, and she hoped it stayed that way.

"Slow down, and save some for your ma!" She heard Varric call as she reached the top of the steps. Everything smelled delicious, and her stomach grumbled in agreement as she walked into Varric's suite. Mackerel was bouncing up and down excitedly next to Janath, who was sitting next to Varric at the head of the table. Janath's smile faded after a moment, replaced with confusion.

"Momma, where's Aunt Beth? And Gramma?"

"Aunt Beth helping a friend of ours today, she said she'd be back at dinner. And Gramma is visiting a friend of hers this morning." Kaiya explained as she sat next to Janath. "Now, take your time when you eat, no inhaling it. It's not going anywhere, and you can always have seconds."

After a hearty breakfast, Varric gave Janath some quills, old ink, and parchment, and let him draw and practice his letters – though there were more drawings than letters – while he and Kaiya spoke about work that either of them has heard about.

"I had a letter arrive this morning from Athenril." Kaiya began, and then rolled her eyes. "She gave me a tip on some work." Varric chuckled.

"A little ass-kissing never hurt."

"Varric! That's a bad word!" Janath declared, looking up at him with a stunned look on his face.

"Grown-ups are allowed to say bad words," Varric said, "But if your ma catches you saying bad words, she'll cut your tongue out." Janath paled, looking to his mother with horror-struck eyes.

"You wouldn't cut my tongue out, would you, Momma?" Janath asked meekly. Kaiya shot Varric a glare.

"No, but it will be washed with soap."

"Blech! I think I'd rather have it cut out..." Janath said before going back to his scribbling. Kaiya shook her head and looked back to a grinning Varric.

"Anyway," Kaiya began again, "She said to meet a man name Anso in Lowtown tonight." Varric nodded before leaning back in his chair. "I see you know him." Kaiya stated. Varric shrugged, and templed his hands; fingers pressed together, palms apart, forming a triangle - a gesture he took on when he began telling a story or delving into some particularlly interesting information.

"Not personally," he admitted. "But I hear he pays well enough. Heard he came to Kirkwall with the intention of searching the Deep Roads below the city for a thaig." Kaiya nodded.

"Athenril said he pays well too." Kaiya looked to Janath where he was on the floor. She smiled fondly at him before looking back to Varric. "We'll head out after Janath's in bed."

"Who'll we be dragging along this time?" Varric asked.

"Beth and Aveline, of course," Kaiya said.

"Why not Rivani?" Varric asked. Kaiya snickered, giving Varric a look that read 'you're kidding, right?'. Varric kept a straight face, only leaning back in his chair, placing his arms on the rests.

"I'd rather not, thanks." Kaiya said.

"What if I vouch for her?" Varric asked, "She knows her stuff, her stuff being her blades."

"I'm more concerned about the stuff she knows about between her legs." Kaiya retorted. "I'd rather not take on the company of a pirate-" Kaiya cut herself off and glanced to her son for a second before looking back to Varric, "Lush." Varric smirked at her before leaning forward again, his hands resting at the edges of the armrests now, as if doing so was meant to hold him closer to Kaiya.

"Not like there's much of a choice for you to get your help." He pointed out with a smirk, which resulted in a scowl from Kaiya, "And unfortunately, you don't have much room to speak, smuggler." Her scowl quickly changed to a glare.

"I _had_ no choice," she said, "I did what I had to; to make sure my family was safe within Kirkwall. Her lifestyle is a clear choice."

"What's wrong with being a pirate?" Janath asked, still scribbling on his paper.

"Pirates spend their time drinking, stealing, and doing overall... Not nice things to people, just because they can." Kaiya explained.

"That's a bit prejudice, don't you think?" Varric asked. Kaiya's expression soured at Varric. He must have been trying to figure out all the ways he could get her to look in one conversation.

"Have _you_ met a pirate you could trust?" Varric fixed Kaiya with a stern look.

"Hawke, it's me you're talking to," Varric sat back in his chair, holding his arms out with a shrug, "How many people have you known me to trust?" Kaiya sighed, and shook her head. She decided it was best to change the subject before this turned ugly. She didn't doubt Varric would defend Isabela's honor if it worked to his advantage.

"For lunch, I'm planning on visiting a friend, you mind watching Janath until I get back?" Varric grinned and shook his head.

"Nah, you go visit Blondie and treat him to a nice lunch." Kaiya put her hand to her forehead as she blushed. "Just don't take too long."

"Bethany told you, didn't she?" She muttered.

"Naturally, at least she warned me about my impromptu babysitting before now. Stopped by on her way to help him at his clinic." Varric explained. Kaiya sighed again and said,

"Thanks, all the same, Varric." _

* * *

><p>Thanks again for reading! ^-^ I can haz reviewz? LOL Sorry, couldn't resist, I have LOLcats on my FB XD;<br>And I was hoping to have the issue with the formatting all figured out, but I guess not =/ Sorry for the bit of _'SQUISH!'_ on here XD;


	4. Chapter 4

And I'm back! Finally... /cough. Sorry for the unintentional hiatus, life sucks. Then the Mass Effect 3 demo came out, and all hope was lost from there!

There is a definite trend I'm seeing in the reviews:  
><strong>1.)<strong> Janath is a hit, which makes me very proud. =3 I love tossing original characters in, but as I mentioned to one reviewer, I'm trying to make sure he stays in the character set I've created for him, and making sure everyone and everything around him stays canon, with mild side-effect from doses of Janath taken daily  
><strong>2.)<strong> People can't wait for Anders to find out. I can't wait to post that chapter too =D I have it written, for the most part, but I'm not trying to rush getting to that yet, gotta build up to it, ya know ^-^

Thank you so much for the reviews, and thank you especially to Those who call me T.I.M and Penna-de-Astore, even though we're only four chapters in now, I love the fact that they've reviewed all three I've posted thus far =D Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I love not only that I get feedback, but the ideas are being **/cough** 'suggested' ^w^ LOVE IT!

Ugh! And I just realized that any messages I sent to people that included Isabela somehow, I mispelled her name 'Isabella'... Stupid spell-check. I swear, that and my phone's auto-correct are out to get me...

Also, could someone tell me how to de-squish my formatting? XD; It makes me cringe seeing EVERYTHING so close together. I'm glad it's not a wall of text - that would have made me cry. - but I still makes me a little twitchy. You can even PM about it as opposed to putting it in a review - but by all means, review anyways! lol - Thanks in advance! =)

I nearly forgot the disclaimer! I'm sure it isn't necessary by now, but I'd rather just be safe than sorry.

_**The majority of the characters, settings, and the like involved in the fic's plot (as well as some of the **__**dialogue) are property of Bioware/EA Games. I claim no ownership over them, but this story was written by me, and was inspired by and based on the Dragon Age Universe, and it's story lines. I have no intention of make absolutely any profit from this. Many of my references come from in-game videos posted on Youtube, the postings Dragon Age Wiki, and whatever resources I find on the internet associated with the game and it's fandom. If anyone wishes for direct links to my references, feel free to message me and I'd be happy to send them your way. (If I can remember where I found them exactly, I apologize if I don't find it right away... Or at all. ^^; )**_

**Thank you.**

Anyway! Enough rambling! On to the good stuff! Thanks again! =D Enjoy!

* * *

><p><em>The problem with children is that you have to put up with their parents. - Charles DeLint<em>

* * *

><p>Janath sat on the floor of Varric suite, quietly playing with some wooden toys Varric kept for him in his rooms. Mackerel was sleeping in the corner, snuffing and shuffling on his side every so often.<p>

"Stay here, kid," Varric said suddenly as he hopped up from his seat after finishing a few notes on his table. He grabbed Bianca and headed for the door. "Gotta meet someone outside before they get here. Shouldn't be too long, I'll send someone up to watch ya."

"Okay." Janath called nonchalantly. He continued playing with the wooden soldiers and horses, tapping them around quietly. He hardly noticed the footfalls of his substitute babysitter until they were right in front of him.

"Well, well, aren't you sweet?" He heard as he looked up. "I didn't think I'd be watching a baby for Varric. Never thought of him as the type to like kids." Janath's eyes went wide with surprise at the woman towering over him. Her skin was darker than anyone's he'd ever seen before, she wore a very, very short white dress that was missing cloth on the sides, with a blue belt that covered one side more than the other. She wore big boots that went all the way up her legs with lots of buckles, and one sleeve on that was dark brown with lots more buckles. She wore a necklace that was tight around her neck with many gold pieces sitting at the bottom of it. Her hair was long, dark, and curly, with a blue bandana nestled on top of it. She had a gold button under her bottom lip, and she was smiling at him.

"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers." Janath said slowly, staring wide-eyed at the woman.

"Smart boy," She said as she knelt in front of him. His eyes went wider – if that was possible – when he was put at eye level with her chest. He looked up at her as she laughed a little. "A smart boy, and a typical one, I see. But Varric sent me up here to keep an eye on you."

"Oh." Janath said, as if it should have been obvious, but he quickly recovered and went on. "Okay then, my name's Janath." He was smiling brightly at the woman, glad to meet someone new. She gave another laugh.

"Hello, Janath. My name is Isabela. What'cha got there?" She asked, pointing to his toys.

"Varric bought them for me!" Janath said excitedly, holding them up to Isabela. "Wanna see them?"

"I would love to, kitten." Isabela said, smiling as she took two of the wooden toys and looked at them. They were standard wooden, carved soldiers. The ones Janath was playing with were the accompanying horses. Isabela frowned though, they weren't even painted. She stared at them for a moment before she spoke up again.

"I've an idea," She began, handing the toys back to Janath. "How about we go to Hightown and get some colors and brushes so we can paint them? They'll look much better once they've got some color to them."

"Okay!" Janath said excitedly as she jumped up with his toys. Then he pouted, looking away as he shifted from foot to foot.

"What's wrong, Janath?" Isabela asked.

"Momma doesn't let me go out," Janath said softly, shuffling his foot on the floor now. "She says she has too many people who want to hurt her who'd want to hurt me too. And she'd be very sad if I got hurt. She told me it'd break her heart like when Uncle Carver and Grampa died." Isabela smiled before looking over to the corner at the sleeping Mabari.

"How about if we take that rascal over there with us?" Isabela questioned. "And I hold your hand the entire time? You have a Bonafide Scoundrel's Promise that nothing will happen to you as long as you're with me." Janath looked over his shoulder at Mackerel snoring on the floor, and then looked back to Isabela with a small smile. He nodded in agreement.

"Okay." Isabela smiled brightly at the boy as he looked back to the Mabari, and called, "Mackerel! C'mon boy!" The dog's head shot up at his name. He stood up and stretched before walking over to the two. Isabela was surprised that the dog responded to Janath with such ease. Who was this kid, exactly? Mackerel head butted Isabela playfully before licking her face. Isabela chuckled, and pushed the dog away before she stood up.

"Do you want to take your toys with us?" She asked. Janath nodded eagerly.

"Uh-huh!" He said, hugging his toys to his chest with one arm. Isabela smiled again, and held her hand out to Janath. This kid had a way of making her grin from ear to ear.

"Come on, sweetie." She said.

* * *

><p>"Really, Kaiya, you don't have to do this." Anders insisted.<p>

"No, _really_, Anders . I want to take you out to get something to eat," Hawke insisted herself. "Bethany told me you don't eat much during the day, so I'm going to see to it that you get a proper meal at least once today!" Anders gave a small, sheepish smile.

"Don't make regret letting Bethany help me," He joked, "If she's just going to tell all my dirty secrets, it's not worth the trouble." Hawke laughed at him, giving him a playful shove. She had talked Anders into leaving his staff at the clinic for their trip to Hightown; she doubted there would be trouble enough to have need for his weapon. When he asked her why she didn't leave her weapons at home, she just shrugged at him and said,

_'I have enemies who would love to see me walk about without them. I'd prefer not to give them that opportunity.' _

"Here we are." Hawke said, reaching the little stand. Anders was sure his stomach growled loud enough for the surrounding market-dwellers to hear – the expression on Hawke's face certainly gave away that she heard it. She snickered at him before laughing,

"I'm very glad I dragged you out here for lunch, then, otherwise you're stomach my wake a dragon!" Hawke turned to the stand's cook and asked for two dishes. They seemed to be a stew over a mashed vegetable – Potatoes? Squash? After receiving the dishes, Hawke handed them to Anders and paid the woman.

"Where do you want to sit?" Hawke asked, looking around. Seeing how it was lunch time, any usual places to sit were taken.

"I'm afraid that if I sit down, I won't want to get up." Anders admitted meekly. Hawke sighed, and shook her head.

"Anders," She scolded, "You can't run yourself ragged. What help will you be to anyone if you don't take care of yourself?" Anders sighed in defeat.

"I know..." He admitted sadly, "There's so many people who need help, and sometimes I'm the only help they have." Hawke knew it was true, but she also knew he could only do so much, Warden or not, he was still human.

"But you're only human Anders; you can only handle so much before you break."

_Hello, Pot – Meet Kettle!_ Kaiya mentally kicked herself before Anders spoke up.

"I know, I know." Anders admitted again before smirking. "You know, I think you and your sister are plotting against me." Hawke looked at him oddly.

"How so?"

"She told me the exact same thing." Hawke laughed at Anders before leading him to the steps out of Hightown Market into the Housing area of the district.

"Sit, and eat your food. It's getting cold."

"Yes, mother." Anders muttered with a defiant smirk. Hawke gave him a small tap with her toe on the ankle before she sat down with him.

"So how long have you been in Kirkwall?" Hawke asked before spooning up some of her stew. She blew on it to cool it.

"Only a handful of months," Anders replied as he stirred up some of his stew. Then he added a little quieter, "I came here shortly after a battle for Amaranthine and Vigil's Keep; after Justice and I were joined." He went silent for a moment, and decided his stew was too hot to eat before setting it aside for now. He clasped his hands and rested his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. "There was a... complication, when I let Justice in. It forced me to leave."

"I see." Hawke said softly. It didn't look like he wanted to go into detail, so she let it go. "Why Kirkwall?" She asked.

"I heard of how many people came here to escape the Blight." Anders explained, "Plenty of refugees to blend in with. Once I got here, I figured I could help those who barely scraped by." He eyed his stew again before looking away from it – it was still steaming.

"Why not cool it?" Hawke asked quietly, "Bethany's gotten very good at being subtle at cooling the stew in public." Anders gave a small chuckle.

"My finesse is with healing," He admitted, "Best I could manage is forming a block of ice that's sure to draw attention." Hawke smirked before taking a small bite of her stew.

"Fair enough." She teased through her stew. Suddenly, Hawke's eyes went wide, and she nearly choked, quickly catching Anders's attention.

"Are you alright?" He asked. Hawke pounded on her chest, nodding hastily.

"Yes, turns out inhaling your food isn't the best idea," she replied, waving it off as she set her bowl down. "I'll be right back; stew isn't the same without some bread."

"Okay." Anders said with a small nod as he picked up his bowl and began stirring it again.

* * *

><p>"<em>It doesn't bother you that I haven't done this before?" Kaiya asked quietly as Anders continued to kiss her neck. He ran his fingertips up and down her stomach and thighs, trying to get Kaiya to relax. <em>

"_If you really want to stop, Blue, then we can stop." Anders murmured, "I won't push you into anything. Doing that would make anything remotely close to this an unpleasant experience in the future." Anders leaned back to look at Kaiya. "Now, do you want to stop?" Kaiya opened her eyes and looked to Anders. His heated gaze made her head spin, and warmed her, especially in certain parts on her person. _

_Kaiya shook her head, unable to find her voice. Anders smiled at her before he leaned toward her and kissed her tenderly. _

"_Now, open your legs for me sweetheart, and let me make this a night to remember." Anders said against her lips. Kaiya whimpered as he trailed a hand up her thigh to her knee. She hesitantly parted her legs, and Anders began to slowly slip his fingertips up the inside of her thigh. Anders paused as he felt her tense. _

"_Relax, darling." He said gently. "I wouldn't do anything I know you wouldn't like. But if I do, tell me right away." Kaiya nodded again. Anders continued slipping his hand up her thigh, and when he pressed his fingers against her warmth, Kaiya jumped. Anders gave a small laugh that reverberated in his chest, and made Kaiya's toes curl. "I see you're enjoying yourself." Anders whispered in her ear. Kaiya gasped as Anders slipped a finger inside her. _

"_I thought that sex itself was just about..." Kaiya trailed off, unable to find the words. _

"_What, simply rutting? No, no, no. There can always be more to it than that." Anders said as he began sliding his finger in and out of her. Kaiya moaned, raising her hips to meet his hand. "I've always enjoyed making sure that all parties involved are completely satisfied." Kaiya gasped again as Anders slid another finger inside of her. "And I'm just getting started." He promised. "I meant it when I said we would go slowly."_

"_Maker, that feels good." Kaiya murmured. _

"_And that's just my fingers." Anders whispered hotly into her ear before he leaned to her breast again and took a nipple in his mouth. Kaiya cried out at the sensation of Anders sucking, and licking, and nibbling at her breast, and his fingers moving inside of her. _

"_I-is there more?" Kaiya felt the slow buildup of something inside of her, begging to be let loose. _

"_Oh, Yes," Anders said as he lifted his head. He leaned over, giving her other nipple the same treatment. "There's so much more." Anders began to kiss his way down to her stomach, the maddening slow pace of his fingers making Kaiya feel flustered. _

"_Have you every pleased yourself?" Anders asked against her stomach. _

"_What?" Kaiya felt herself become bashful at such a personal question. _

"_Have you played with yourself?" Anders asked again. "Alone, in the dark, when you're aroused – have you played with your breasts? Fingered yourself? Teased yourself until you couldn't take it anymore?" Kaiya felt her shameful thoughts at his question melt away as his voice lulled her to relax. _

"_Yes." Kaiya admitted breathlessly. She gasped as Anders's fingers went faster. He slid up her body, being sure to brush her sensitive, pebbled nipples as he did. "Oh, yes!" She cried, rocking her hips with his hand. _

"_Have you brought yourself to orgasm?" Anders asked. Kaiya nodded her head hastily, unable to speak. She cried out again as his fingers went faster. "Do you want to orgasm tonight?" _

"_Yes!" Kaiya declared. Anders stopped, his fingers deep inside of her as he let Kaiya catch her breath. _

"_I'm so glad to hear you say that." Anders said before kissing her softly. He lingered for a moment before he began to kiss his way down her body again. Anders slipped his fingers from inside of her, causing Kaiya to shudder at the loss. He pressed himself between her legs as he tended to her breasts once more. Kaiya wove her fingers into his hair as he continued to kiss his way down slowly. Her eyes went wide as he slid lower, his chest between her legs now. _

"_Wh-what are you doing?" Kaiya asked. _

"_I'm giving you oral sex." Anders said plainly as he sat up and kissed her knee. Kaiya felt her heart pound. _

"_B-but why would you do that?" Kaiya exclaimed. Truthfully, she never understood why anyone would want to put their face down there. It's seemed..._Unnatural.

"_Because, I enjoy pleasing people with it," Anders said, his voice low with longing. Chills ran across her skin as Anders began to kiss down the inside of her thigh. "If you want me to stop at any time, tell me." Anders said softly. Kaiya simply shook her head, and waited. _

* * *

><p>Hawke was about ready to kill a certain Riviani Pirate as she stomped toward her. Janath was sitting on Isabela's shoulders, glancing over a stalls wares – they looked to be crafts of some sort.<p>

"What the Hell are you doing with my son?" She said in a low snarl. Isabela spun around, and Janath's eyes went wide at the sight of his mother.

"Momma!" He exclaimed, leaning down and reaching for her. Hawke quickly reached up and took Janath from Isabela's shoulders, not caring if the damnable woman got kicked in the head by her son.

"Oh! So you're his mother?" Isabela said slowly, and then smirked as she placed a hand on her hip. "Well, now things are making a little more sense."

"Momma! Izzy's buying me colors for the toys Varric bought me."

"Izzy...?" Hawke said in a low tone that was nearly a growl. Her eye visibly twitched before she went on. "Speaking of Varric," She paused, glaring at Isabela while holding her son tightly to her, as if Isabela would attempt to snatch him away from her and corrupt him. "Where is the darling...?"

"He said he had an errand to run, and asked me to keep an eye on him." Isabela said as she shifted her stance and placed her other hand on her hip as well.

"Where's Mackerel, Janath?" Hawke asked, not taking her eyes off Isabela, trying very hard not to grit her teeth.

"He's over there, playing with another Mabari." Hawke looked over where Janath was pointing over her shoulder, and saw Mackerel hopping around and nosing around with a Mabari pup, it couldn't have been more than a few months old. Hawke couldn't help but smile at the two dogs playing. Hawke gave a small smile, it wasn't often she saw another Mabari in Kirkwall. But her smile returned to it's original, hardened gaze as she looked back to Isabela quickly as she spoke up,

"Well, seeing as how you've come across your little urchin, should I take my leave?" Hawke glared at her again before glancing over her shoulder toward the direction Anders was, hidden by the lunch crowd. Then she looked back to Janath.

"Can I please go with her Momma?" Janath asked, "We'll go right back to Varric's after we get my paints. Please, please, please?" Hawke sighed before looking back to Isabela with a scowl.

"Fine..." She muttered, and set him down.

"Thank you, Momma!" Janath said excitedly, hugging her waist tightly. Hawke smiled at son before she knelt down to him and hugged him tightly.

"Behave for Isabela, alright?" Hawke asked, hugging him tightly. "I'll be back soon; I just need to finish my lunch."

"Okay, Momma." Janath said, hugging her around the neck tightly. "I love you, Momma."

"I love you too, sweetheart." She said, kissing him tenderly on the forehead. She reluctantly released her son before he reached for Isabela's hand again.

"Don't worry sweets," Isabela reassured Hawke. Hawke noticed a change in the woman's demeanor as she spoke to her. "He'll be as safe as safe can be with me. His knees might be a little dirtier from playing in mud, but that's about it." She teased as she looked to Janath and ruffled his hair. Hawke smirked as Janath batted away her hand.

"Don' do that!" He exclaimed.

"Oh, so you don't like your hair being played with?" She teased the boy before they turned away. Isabela ruffled his hair again as they turned away.

"Stoppit!" Janath whined, flattening his hair.

"I owe you a drink Hawke." Isabela called over her shoulder before Janath yelled,

"C'mon, Mackerel! We're leaving!" Seconds later, Mackerel bounded toward them. He stopped for a moment to nose Hawke's hand in acknowledgment. She gave him a quick pat on the head with an order before he followed after Janath.

"Don't let him out of your sights."

* * *

><p>"Where's the bread?" Hawke blinked at Anders's question as she approached him. He had started working on his stew – but much to her surprise, it was already down to the vegetable mash.<p>

"Oh, the bread," Hawke said with a small laugh as she rubbed the back of her neck. "They were out, and said they wouldn't have any more for a little while. Sorry." Anders studied Hawke before she plunked down next to him. He simply shrugged and continued eating.

"It's alright." He said before spooning up a mouthful of vegetables. The next few moments were spent in silence as Hawke kept her eyes focused on the crowd, watching to make sure Isabela and Janath – especially Janath – stayed out of sight.

"Are you alright?" Anders asked. Hawke looked back to Anders; she blinked, seeing his bowl was empty already.

"Wow, I guess lunch was a good idea." She said with a small laugh. Anders looked to his bowl before he spoke.

"Oh, I thought I ate slower than usual." Hawke's eyes went wide at him as he looked up at her again. He gave a small laugh of his own at her expression. "Never heard of the infamous Warden appetites?"

"Infamous Warden appetites?" Hawke repeated, her eyes wide as her mind went a mile a minute. She was trying to narrow down the definition of 'appetites'. "Maker, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, for one, when in company of a Warden, it's best to keep your food stores stocked." He teased.

"So you're telling me I should have an apple on my person at all times?" She teased back before taking another bite of her food.

"Only if you want me to sniff it out and ravage your person until I find it." Hawke found herself choking on her food again as her eyes shot to Anders. His eyes were as wide as hers as he she stared at him. It seemed he let that one slip before he realized it. Hawke swallowed her food hard before a small smile trickled its way to her lips. She suddenly burst out laughing, unable to help herself at the look on Anders's face. He truly was utterly shocked at what had come out of his mouth. Eventually, Anders couldn't help his own smile as Hawke wiped the tears from her eyes. She set her now empty bowl aside and cleared her throat.

"I – I'll keep that in mind next time I decide to bring a snack with me." She laughed as she stood up with her bowl.

"Let me." Anders said as he stood up too. "I can drop off our dishes on my way back to the clinic, and you can head out."

"It's no trouble at all, Anders." Hawke said, smiling. "I can walk back with you."

"How chivalrous of you." Anders joked, "But I assure you, kind ser, I'm in no need of an escort." Hawke laughed at Anders before she relented and handed him her bowl and spoon, smirking to herself.

"Alright then, if you insist." She said in defeat, and then paused for a moment. "I might need your help tonight, will you be free? It will be after dark, so you won't have to worry about leaving the clinic early. If the job pays as well as I'm to understand, you'll definitely get something toward the clinic, or your poor, neglected Warden hunger pains." Anders laughed.

"They're hardly hunger pains if you've the will to ignore them, but of course." Anders said with a nod, "What do you need help with?"

"Varric and I will be meeting with a dwarf who has some work for us. Unfortunately, all I've heard of the job is that he pays well. But my former employer pointed me in his direction, so I can't help but trust that the work is good." Anders nodded again.

"Very well," Anders said, "Where will I meet you?"

"The Hanged Man is good," Hawke said. "Someone else should be joining us, though that has yet to be determined," she chuckled. Anders raised an eyebrow.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked.

"Well, it could be one of three people, but if Varric has his say, it might be a Rivani named Isabela." Anders looked thoughtful for a moment.

"The name rings a bell..." he said quietly. "Ah," he said shaking his head. "Yes, she comes in quite often to the clinic." Hawke shook her head as well.

"I'd rather not know the details."

"Neither would I." Anders said with a shudder before a tell-tale smirk slipped. "But I'll see you tonight, Hawke."

"Later, Anders." Hawke smiled before disappearing up the stairs. Anders headed down the stairs, feeling more content than he'd like to admit with his full stomach. But his contentment turned to confusion as he reached the stall.

Didn't Hawke say something about them being out of bread? There were a few loaves of bread sitting on the front counter of the stall, not a bit of steam rising from them. Maybe she went to the wrong stand? He simply shook his head and handed the woman the dishes. As soon as he handed her the dishes, she reached into her apron's front pocket and pulled out a few coins. She handed a few coins to him quickly before turning back to the next customer. Anders looked to the silvers in his hand before looking back to the woman.

"Messere, I didn't get anything?" He asked, "I shouldn't get any change."

"That's the money for bringing back the dishes." She said, not looking away from the customer ordering food. She seemed annoyed with having to explain herself. "That way, I'll not have to worry about taking people at their word to bring back my bowls and cutlery."

"Oh," Was all Anders said, looking back to the coins. He smiled before his shook his head, pocketing the change, then he continued toward the clinic.

Hawke was better at out-witting people than she cared to admit... Anders found himself thinking in amusement.

* * *

><p>Holy Moses, am I glad I proofread this before posting it... My beta and I must have been tired when we last looked at this XD We even missed a 'There, They're, Their' typo... I know those make people cringe. A lot. Me included.<p>

I apologize not only for my hiatus, but for the lack of smut chapter 3. Like I said before, this was supposed to be part of chapter 3, but my beta and I both agreed that it was better cut into two chapters. Where I originally had the smut in the previous part didn't really mesh with that section of the fic, and I couldn't find a decent spot to place it. But there was smut here! Speaking of my beta... I LOVE YEEEEEW LottieGraye! Thank you for being my mental twin from another time zone and dealing with my constant prodding for beta-ing and RPage! You doth rock mine socks off! Always!

On a side note, I'm thinking what I'll do once I'm all done with this fic is take ALL the smutty parts, toss them together, and post them in one story, so that if people are 'shameful'-smut-addicts, like me – group meeting for Smut Additcs Anonymous will be announced in the future, once we put away our dirty readings and pick a time... – they can just see all of the juicy parts in one place =3 I doubt I'll change much, but I'm thinking of adding one part... /cough. Lol

Thank you so much for coming back and reading after I came back and wiped off the dust and polished it up =)


	5. Chapter 5

Wow... It's been a while. Sorry for that ^^; I haven't given up! I promise! I like this idea too much to let it just rot with my other files! I know it's slow going, but I'm working on it.

Also, in the fall, I'm finally going back to school. I'm working on everything for it now, so I get to add that to my list of stuff that keeps me distracted (I.E.: Xbox, TV, failing at sleeping at the right times, job hunting, ect.)

As a warning, this chapter is UNBETAED! My beta has been super busy, and I'm sure the last things she needs is me shoving my fic down her throat, while shaking her senseless and screaming, _"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD!"_

I apologize for the laziness on my part, for not posting, working on my fic, giving shoutout PMs to reviewers... I'm sure there's more, but my memory is horrid. Now to get the disclaimer is out of the way:

_**The majority of the characters, settings, and the like involved in the fic's plot (as well as some of the dialogue) are property of Bioware/EA Games. I claim no ownership over them, but this story was written by me, and was inspired by and based on the Dragon Age Universe, and it's story lines. I have no intention of make absolutely any profit from this. Many of my references come from in-game videos posted on Youtube, the postings Dragon Age Wiki, and whatever resources I find on the internet associated with the game and it's fandom. If anyone wishes for direct links to my references, feel free to message me and I'd be happy to send them your way. (If I can remember where I found them exactly, I apologize if I don't find it right away... Or at all. ^^; )**_

_**Thank you.**_

Now, onto the main attraction!

* * *

><p><em>"Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life." Sophocles<em>

* * *

><p>"Can't anything ever be easy?" Isabela mused as she bent over to search the pockets of the deceased man at her feet.<p>

After meeting Anso, Hawke, Varric, Anders, and Isabela made their way to the designated building in the Alienage. Naturally, they were met with resistance the moment they stepped inside. Had Varric not spotted the trap in front of the side room door of the little shanty – much like Gamlen's of course – things might have gone much worse.

"Easy? Where do you think you are? Val Royeaux?" Varric retorted as he plucked some of his bolts from bodies he passed. Hawke sighed as she sheathed her daggers and headed to the now unguarded back room, where Anso said his 'merchandise' should be. Sure enough, a chest was there, but much to her surprise, it was unlocked with nothing in it.

"It's empty?" Hawke said in disbelief. She groaned, shaking her head. "Of course..." It didn't have any hint of where the smuggled lyrium they were asked to look for.

"So much for that." Anders agreed, his own annoyance was obvious as he rolled his shoulders.

"I guess we'll have to go back and tell Anso." Hawke muttered as she stood up. She gave the empty chest a small kick out of frustration. More time wasted – more time away from her mother and Janath – all for an empty chest.

"He'd better pay still." She grumbled. Hawke sighed again before she looked to the rest of her party. "Check the bodies, maybe there's _something _that will tell us where the lyrium is."

"Have we met before?" Isabela asked Anders out of the blue. She looked him up and down slowly. He did look very familiar.

"You've been to my clinic." Anders said flatly whule using his toe to nudge the shoulder of the man next to him on the ground. Then he knelt down to search the dead – if not unconscious – man's pockets.

"Ah, of course. Darktown." Isabela said. She paused for a moment before she walked toward the body Anders was searching. She knelt down across from Anders on the other side of the body and studied his face for a moment. Anders paused before glancing up at Isabela for a moment.

"Yes?" He asked, "If you have something you'd like me to look at, I'm sure everyone would prefer it wait until we're at my clinic." He went back to searching the body.

"What? Well, there is this _rash_ in my – Wait, no, no, that's not it," Isabela said, waving it off. "I can't put my finger on it, but I _swear _I know you from somewhere." Anders gave a tired sigh and looked up at Isabela, to give her a better look at his face.

"Hmmmm..." Isabella sat on her haunches and rested an elbow on her knee. She tapped her chin with a finger a few times as she played with one of her daggers, spinning it idly in her hand. Then, as if she had been hit upside the head with the answer she was looking for, Isabela nearly dropped her dagger, and blurted out, "Maker! You're J-"

"Isabela!" Hawke cut her off, startling her.

"What?!" She shot back.

"Come here please? I need your dexterous fingers." Hawke said slowly, forcing herself to be calm. She knew she should have said something to Isabela earlier, the nosy tart...

Isabela grinned as she stood up as she walked toward Hawke where she was crouched next to a body in the corner.

"Kitten, you can have access to my dexterous fingers, _anytime._" She said as she knelt next to her while Hawke rolled her eyes. Isabela looked over the body in front of her, not seeing anything Hawke could have needed help with. "What are you talking-?" Isabela was cut off as Hawke grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to her. Then, Hawke whispered harshly into the Rivani woman's ear,

"What are you doing?!"

"Well, I _was_ having an epiphany, if you don't mind- OW!" Hawke pinched Isabela's ear and pulled her right uptight to her, as if she wasn't close enough to hear what she had to say.

"Shush! No epiphanies for you! Especially ones involving him and Janath." Hawke hissed quietly. Isabela leaned away and looked at Hawke oddly. Then she looked over her shoulder at Anders, who had moved on to another body and had his back to them. Her eyes went wide again as she looked back to Hawke with a sly smirk.

"Why, you naughty, naughty thing! He doesn't know?" Isabela scolded in a soft, playful tone as she tapped Hawke on the nose. Hawke swatted at her hand with a scowl. "Oooo, alright, but I want details over that drink I owe you, sweets." Isabela relented quietly as she stood up. "There, all better!" Isabela said – playing along with Hawke's need of her dexterous fingers – before sauntering off to Varric. She tapped his foot with her toe, interrupting him in his tending to Bianca and her bolts.

Varric glanced up at Isabela without raising his head as he continued to wipe the bolts clean with a scrap of cloth from one of the bodies. Isabela nodded her head toward Anders, then pointed with her thumb over at Hawke behind her. Varric just shook his head, and went back to cleaning Bianca's bolts. Isabela shrugged before walking around the small home, looking for anything worth while to be found – for their current job or for herself.

"Nothing! Maker, this had better be worth the trouble." Hawke said, kicking the body she finished searching. She ignored the groan of protest from the man, and headed for the exit.

"Time to go give Anso the bad news." Varric said as he placed the last bolt away.

Hawke tensed as she reached the open door. She groaned again. Gathering outside was a small crowd of armed men, weapons drawn, and they had them cornered.

"Oh, goodie, more fun to be had!" Isabela grinned before vanishing into the shadows.

"That's not the elf!" A woman said as she came out front. She had a slight Orlesian accent to her venom filled words. "Who is that?!"

"It doesn't matter," A man spoke up next to her as he drew his sword, "We were told to kill who ever enters the house."

"Great." Hawke muttered before taking out her daggers. Varric flung a flurry of smoke bombs, clouding the sights of some of the men before Isabela came back into view and began making quick work of the blinded men from the back.

"Mage!" Varric called out, sending a string of bolts toward the called out opponent. In a blur of movement, Hawke phased toward the mage, interrupting a spell before it could be cast. She cursed as the mage brought up a shield, blocking him from Hawke's attacks.

"I gotcha, sweets." Hawke heard Isabela say behind her. She spun around in time to see a man hit the ground, and Isabela pulling her dagger out of his throat. Isabela winked at Hawke before slipping into the shadow's once more.

"Hawke!" Anders called out. Hawke looked to Anders before she received a knock to the side of her head. The blow from the mage's staff knocked her to the ground with a grunt as her surroundings began to spin. A split second later, a wave of warmth washed over her, clearing her head as she felt a hand tug at her arm.

"On your feet, Hawke." Varric said. Hawke stood quickly, "Eyes on the fight!" He said before firing spray of bolts at the mage as his shield dropped. Hawke grit her teeth as the sudden taste of blood. She attempted to spit it out, and felt a broken tooth slip past her lips... Great.

What was wrong with her tonight? She needed to focus!

"On your right!" Isabela called. Hawke jumped back as a swipe came from her right. Varric turned and shot a bolt through the attacker's shoulder. Hawke delivered the finishing blow across the man's neck before returning to the mage. She charged for him again, smashing a vial of poison between her daggers as she rushed forward. The poison coated the daggers before she began swiping furiously at the mage. He was surprisingly good at blocking and dodging Hawke's blows, especially for his vitals, and it made Hawke even more furious. Eventually, the mage was all that was left as Isabela returned to Hawke's side in a haze of smoke.

"Surely, you can't handle dancing with both us beautiful ladies." She mocked, spinning her blades in her hands before joining in the fray. She faked a swipe to the left, and instead ducked to knock him off his feet. Once the man hit the ground, Hawke was there with her daggers, and delivered a blow to each shoulder. The man cried out as Hawke pressed her knee to his throat.

"You have one chance to save yourself," She seethed, "Where is Anso's shipment?" The man growled at Hawke, and spit in her face. Hawke hardly winced at the offense and glared at the man before pressing harder into his throat.

"Wrong answer." She said before wrenching out her daggers, and slamming them into his chest – where his lungs were. She pulled them out to slam them into him once more – one in his heart, and one in his skull. The man made a disturbing gurgling noise as Hawke pressed to his throat harder, and twisted the blade in his chest. Once she was sure the man was dead, she removed her daggers again and stood up. Varric pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her.

"Thanks." She said as she wiped the spit from her face. Varric went to search the mage's body with Isabela as Hawke began to clean the blood from her blades.

"I hope you don't treat other mages like that." Anders joked with a nervous smile. Hawke gave him a quick, sheepish smile before it faded.

"Only ones that knock out my teeth, try to kill me and then have the curtsey spit in my face, literally."

"Knocked out teeth, eh?" Anders said, stepping closer. "Let me see." Hawke sighed and spit out more blood before opening her mouth to Anders. He lit a small globe of light and held it to her open mouth. "Head back some." Hawke complied as Anders continued looking around. "Not the whole tooth, but it probably should be taken out."

"Which one?" Hawke asked, closing her mouth as the light faded from Anders's hand.

"One in the back, on your left." He placed his fingers on her jaw – where Hawke assumed her broken tooth was – and sent a handful of pulses of magic into her skin, through to her skin to her broken tooth and her aching jaw. Hawke sighed in relief as she ache went away, and the tang of blood in her mouth seemed to dull. "There, that should stop the bleeding from your tooth and cheek. I also killed the nerve endings in that tooth. It will need to be removed, since I can't re-grow body parts."

"Why not reattach the piece of tooth?"

"Would you be able to find it? Even then, would you dare put it back in your mouth?"

"Point taken... And to think, you had such promise." Hawke teased, tutting him. Anders chucked.

"Thanks, glad to know I inspire such confidence from my friends."

Isabela remained off to the side, watching the two in silence. She rolled her eyes and shook her head before muttering,

"How sweet, maybe they should get a room again?"

"Hawke," Varric called. She looked back to him to find Varric holding a piece of paper.

"What is it?"

"This man's from Tevinter." He went on as Hawke reached out for the note. Varric handed it to her and let her read it before going on, "And he wasn't here for Lyrium."

"He's a slaver?" She said after giving the note a few read throughs. "What would slavers want in Kirkwall?"

"Maybe looking for people to take back." Anders said bitterly, "A lot of refuges here to pick from."

"Anso obviously has something to do with this." Hawke said, rubbing her temples. "Maybe he's hiding someone, or the slavers have something of his... ?" Hawke sighed. "Let's just get back to him, and find out what's going on."

"Thinking not your forte?" Isabela teased as she searched another body.

"Shut up." Hawke muttered bitterly as she began searching the bodies with everyone else.

"Something the matter?" Anders asked her.

"No," Hawke said hastily with a shake of her head, "This is just a wild goose chase and I've never been a fan of them." She clearly didn't want to get into it, and Anders could see that. He let it go and continued searching with everyone else.

"Let's just make this quick." Hawke grumbled.

After making short work of searching the bodies, the group began to make their way out of the Alienage.

"Is anyone else ready for a drink?" Isabela asked.

"Do you ever do anything besides drink and whore about?" Hawke asked flatly.

"What else is there to do?" Isabela laughed, putting an arm around Hawke shoulders. Hawke shrugged her off, about to say something else when she was cut off by a man's declaration,

"I don't know who you are, friend," Hawke looked up to see a sour looking young man, with shaggy red hair and looks that could kill. "But you made a serious mistake coming here." Hawke glared at the man, and took out her daggers again, preparing to fight. "Lieutenant! I want everyone in the clearing, _NOW!_"

Instead of the rush of armored footfalls, a set of slow, staggered steps came from behind the sour man in charge. At the top of the steps leading out of the Alienage, another man came forward, his steps were sluggish as he clutched his stomach. Hawke noted the man had blood pouring through his armor.

"C-Captain..." The man wheezed before collapsing forward, just missing the first step.

"Your men are dead," The rumble of another voice came from around the corner. "And your trap has failed." Hawke kept her defensive stance. She watched as a young man – an elf – walked down the steps. "I suggest running back to your master while you can." The elf walked past the man and stopped in front of Hawke. He looked strangely calm considering the amount of bodies about.

He wore dark plate armor, with a thick plate on the chest, at his waist, and on his forearms and hands. The rest of his armor consisted of black leather, that showed more skin than would normally be considered wise on a warrior. He was barefoot – as many other elves Hawke noticed went about - and had a large sword at his back. He had snowy white hair and his tanned skin, with the exception of veins of white that started at two prongs on his chin, and ribbed down his throat. More veins of white could be seen on the skin his armor didn't cover. The first man looked as though he was about to snap, but the elf didn't look threatened in the least by his presence. Instead he seemed content with ignoring him and studying Hawke, and this unnerved her a bit. But she forced herself to keep a calm facade, as the elf was.

"You're going no where, _slave_." The man said behind him sharply as he hurried forward, and grabbed the elf's shoulder with a heavy hand.

This was what – who – they were after?

The elf's features didn't change at first, and he slowly looked back to the man. The elf swiftly shoved the man's arm off him and spun around to grab the offending limb at the wrist. Hawke watching in awe as the elf's skin was suddenly ablaze with blue light, brightest at the white veins. The elf quickly reached back his free hand as a wisp of power surrounded it, and slammed his hand forward. Hawke's jaw nearly dropped as she watched the elf's arm go through the man's chest. She decided at this point it was wise to stand down, before the elf thought her a threat too and turned on them.

The man gave a sharp gasp and hunched forward with the elf's arm still in his chest. The elf quickly pulled it out, and released the man's arm.

"I am not a slave." He spat. Clutching his chest, the man fell to the ground, and then didn't moved. The elf started at his body for a few more seconds, his skin still aglow - to make sure the man was dead before turning back to Hawke and her group.

"I... Apologize," He finally said to them. The glow faded from his skin as he approached Hawke. She sheathed her daggers, this man was no threat to them. "When I asked Anso to provide a distraction, I had no idea the hunter would be so..." He seemed to be searching for the right word. "Numerous."

"You were responsible for this?" Hawke asked, a little more harshly than she had intended, but made no move to correct herself before the elf went on.

"Yes," He said, "I'm the reason you're here." He paused for a moment, as if unsure whether he should go on. "My name is Fenris. These men were imperial bounty hunters, seeking to claim a magister's lost property – namely myself." He added the last part with a roll of his eyes. "They were trying to lure me into the open. Crude as their methods were, I could not face them alone. Thankfully, Anso chose wisely." Fenris said with a nod of his head, as if to acknowledge his thanks. Hawke returned the nod before she spoke up.

"If they were really trying to recapture you, I'm happy I helped." Fenris looked surprise by Hawke's response, and could see plainly on her face that she was genuine in her words and intent.

"I have met few in my travels who have sought anything more than for personal gain." He replied, but paused again before continuing. He seemed hesitant, "If I may ask, what was in the chest – the one they kept in the house?"

"It was empty." Hawke said glumly. Fenris seemed disappointed with the news, as well.

"I suppose it was too much to hope for," He said, "Even so, I had to know."

"You were expecting something else?" Hawke asked.

"I was," He admitted sadly with a shake of his head, "And I shouldn't have. It was bait, nothing more." There was a silence before Hawke broke it, crossing her arms over her chest as she spoke,

"You didn't need to lie to get my help."

"That remains to be seen." Fenris said simply before he approached the dead captain's body. He knelt next to it and began searching it. After a moment, he seemed to find what he was looking for, a map, and a pouch with it. He jingled the pouch and stood up. Fenris tossed the pouch to Hawke and continued looking at the map. Hawke caught the pouch of coins and handed it to Varric as she watched Fenris.

"It is as I thought," Fenris said, crumpling up the paper and tossing it to the ground. "My former master accompanied them to the city." He looked to Hawke, "I know you have questions, but I must confront him before he flees. I will... Need your help." He was hesitant to ask, it seemed.

"If it means fighting more slavers, I will help you." Hawke said with a nod. She had always been disgusted with the thought of claiming a person as one's property, and the idea of putting a stop to some of it sounded like a plan to her. She felt her annoyance fading, despite there being little profit her, it felt good to be doing something worthwhile with her skills and time.

"I will find a way to repay you, I swear it." Fenris said, "The magister is staying at a mansion in Hightown, meet me there as soon as you can. We must enter before morning." Without another word, Fenris hurried off, leaving Hawke and her group behind.

"Mmmm," Isabela said, watching Fenris as he hurried away. "Imagine the possibilities." Hawke looked to Isabela in disbelief.

"Really?" She asked. Isabela looked to Hawke with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"What?" She feigned innocence, and then added with a shrug of her shoulders, "I'd tap that." Hawke groaned, shaking her head before following after Fenris.

* * *

><p>"Why can't I do a simply errand without it turning out so..." Hawke trailed off under her breath as she plunked herself down in a seat at Varric's table. She slumped forward, her forehead resting against the wooden tabletop.<p>

"It could have ended worse." Varric said with a shrug. Hawke simply groaned in response. The two companions sat in silence, the only sound being the _'clink_' of the coins Varric was counting from the night's events. Moments later, a mug was set down by Hawke's head. She lifted it to see Isabela walk over to Varric and set a mug in front of him too. She still had another for herself, of course.

"Thanks Rivani." Varric said, not looking up from his counting as he took a quick chug of his drink.

"Now, I believe you have a story to tell." Isabela said as she took a seat next to Hawke. Hawke's head was resting on the table now, but she was looking at Isabela now with a small glare. She lifted her head to glance at Varric. She was sure anything she said would be put in some tale of his, and given a swifter, twistier, wilder spin. Hawke sighed as she straightened up and took her mug in hand. She took a hearty drink before setting it down.

"Maker, this stuff never improves." She groused with a shake of her head. Isabela gave a small chuckle.

"No, I'm afraid not." She rested her elbow on the table, and fixed her gaze on Hawke. "Now, how does a pretty thing like you get acquainted with a man like Anders, long enough to do the horizontal tango, and get knocked up without him realizing?" Hawke rolled her eyes before she took another drink.

"Your eloquent way with words astounds me, Isabela." She snorted before taking another drink.

"You have no idea the way I have with words, sweets." Isabela teased. "Now, out with it. How do you know Sparklefingers? Aside from the obvious, naturally. And I don't want to spare _any _details! I want to hear all of it, from the first smooch, to the last snoozy nuzzle." Hawke shook her head before glancing to Varric. He was still counting, but now he was looking at Hawke out of the corner of his eye, waiting for her to tell her tale.

"Fine. Fine!" She said, throwing her hands up. "But not a word to anyone, and _you!_" Hawke said, pointing to Varric, "Not a word of this is to be on any parchment or book of yours or told at all during any drinking session or storytelling, at least not until I'm able to pony up the nerve and find the right time to talk to Anders, got it?" Varric grinned, trying to think of a way to loop through any holes on her warning. "I mean it, I don't want this to get around, or anything that could possibly _HINT_ as to what it's about – not even loosely based, at all! It's bad enough that I'm sure more people than I'd like know about Janath, but I can't have Anders knowing about him until I can tell him myself." Hawke groaned, shaking her head.

"Alright!" Varric laughed, raising his hands in defeat. He knew he was beat, and it was no use trying to defy Hawke's wishes at this point. "You have my word, no bit of this will be passed around, gurgled to my mirror, written, carved into stone, or scrawled out otherwise 'til I get your say so."

"The last thing I need is to have an unstable mage losing it over something like this." Hawke said, with a sigh.

"Hawke, do you really think Anders would react like that?" Varric asked, suddenly very seriously.

"It's not Anders I'm worried about," Hawke said truthfully before taking a drink, "It's his passenger."

"Passenger?" Isabela asked, looking back and forth between Hawke and Varric. "Is _he _pregnant now, or something?" Isabela found two sets of eyes on her real fast; one set amused, one set shocked at such a suggestion. "What? I've heard stranger things than a man being pregnant!" Isabela defended before downing the last of her mug. "Maker, I'm going to need to let Coriff know we'll need a few rounds sent up. This sounds like it'll take a while." She said as she stood up. "Don't start without me, I might not have the same mastery of a story as Varric, but I love a good tale."

Hawke sighed before taking another drink. And her night was going to get longer...

* * *

><p><em>First, she felt his breath on her sex, and it was almost unsettling, until she felt the tip of his nose against her, touching the folds of skin she would play with to orgasm. She jumped at the contact. Then, she felt his lips on them, kissing tenderly. Kaiya nearly lost her mind when his tongue ran across it. Kaiya wailed at the sensation that shot through her. <em>

"_Did you like that?" Anders asked. Kaiya's hitched breathing was the only answer Anders needed to hear. "Remember when I asked you if you pleasured yourself?" _

"_Y- Yes..." Kaiya said slowly, waiting for Anders to do something. _

"_Play with your breasts while I lick you." Kaiya shuddered. His tone made it seem like an order, as if there was no way to deny his request. She found herself unable to stop her hands from releaseing her death grip on the bedding, and slipping up her stomach to her breasts if she wanted to. She moaned, massaging them before stroking her nipples with her thumbs. _

"_Is that how you like to do it?" Anders asked. Kaiya nodded. She blushed, unable to look at him because she knew he was watching. "Keep doing that, like a good girl, and you'll be rewarded." Anders said before lowering his head between her legs again. _

_Kaiya cried out as Anders took the folds in his mouth. The heat and moisture from his mouth and tongue set her skin on fire, along with the attention she paid to her breasts. _

"_Oh, Maker." She whispered, her voice trembling with need. "That feels divine!" _

"_What do you like about it?" Anders murmured against her. She gasped, the vibration of his words against her adding to the euphoria of it. _

"_Your tongue is so wet," Kaiya breathed, "It makes me feel like I've been going about it all wrong." Anders gave a deep, warm laugh that vibrated against her again. She cried out at the feel of it. Then he moaned, getting a similar reaction. _

"_So you like that?" Anders said. Kaiya squeezed her breasts as he spoke, the vibration of his voice doing wonderful things to her, making a brilliant heat form and tighten in her belly. _

"_Yes, please, don't stop!" She begged. Anders began to moan again, making Kaiya cry out, and pinch her nipples like Anders had done earlier. She gasped, feeling that same heat sharpen, coiling and ready to burst. She cried out again as she felt herself tighten up. Anders began teasing her entrance with a fingertip, just light caresses. She tightened against the invading finger as she felt herself overcome with the heat that Anders had created within her. _

_Kaiya cried out as she arched into Anders's lips and tongue. He placed a hand on her stomach and held her to the bed as she came. She rocked into the bed, his hand, against his mouth – anything to prolong her release. When she couldn't take it anymore, she stilled, gasping for air. She was a mess of sensitive skin and hyper-sensitive nerves now. _

* * *

><p>"...And that's that." Hawke said. She was on her fourth drink now, were Coriff's ale not so watered down, she was sure she'd be good and soused by now. As of right now, she only felt mildly tipsy. Isabela on the other hand, was drinking it like it was water, and not showing any sign of stopping. Varric was sitting intently in his seat, watching Hawke as she finished her story, his counting long ago forgotten.<p>

"He was gone the next morning." Hawke's gaze was fixed on her cup as she went on softly. She stared into her darkened reflection in the murky drink. "He left at note, at least."

"Wha'd it say?" Isabela asked quietly.

"That he had to leave," Hawke began, "Because he was an apostate being hunted by the circle, and didn't want me to get caught with him." Hawke gave a small smile though as she went on. "But he did say he'd hoped we'd meet again." Isabela chuckled, patting Hawke on the shoulder. The small smile on Hawke's face gave away that she wasn't telling everything, but Isabela – and Varric, thankfully – let it go. She was allowed to keep some parts of the story to herself. Varric decided it left a little mystery to embellish on later, while Isabela left it alone for other, more girly, and romantical reasons.

"And sure enough, you both happen to come to Kirkwall." Isabela laughed joyfully.

"I say it's fate." Varric said in confidence as he leaned back in his chair. Isabela snorted as Hawke looked up to Varric, not raising her head. She started at him through her bangs. "Obviously, he's meant to be in your life, but more importantly, Janath's."

"I don't know about that, Varric..." Hawke said before she gave a small hiccup.

"Hawke. _Kaiya_. Think about it. Of all the places either of you could have ended up, you both came to Kirkwall – for one reason or another – and found each other again. It's fate!" Varric said with a laugh.

"Kaiya?" Isabela said suddenly. "No wonder you go with 'Hawke', Kaiya's too pretty a name to fear." She teased. Hawke's gaze turned back to Isabela in the form of a glare. Isabela laughed, placing a hand on Hawke's shoulder, giving her a good shake. "I'm just messing with you. You're too uptight." Hawke stiffened under Isabela's hand at that remark.

"How can I not be?" She said, straightening her back and glaring daggers at Isabela as she shook the hand from her shoulder. Varric's eyes went wide; it was as if he could see the steam shooting out of Hawke's ears suddenly. "After my father died, I was the one to keep my family afloat. _Me._ Not my mother, not Bethany, not Carver. Me. _I_ was the head of my family, while raising a baby by myself! Then, after the disaster at Ostagar, I took what was left of my family and ran away from darkspawn. While we ran, my brother died. Not only was my mother devastated, but Janath didn't say a single word for the entire boat ride to Kirkwall from Gwaren." Hawke's eyes were tearing as he face began to go red as her fury began to build. "Until we came to Kirkwall, Carver was the closest thing Janath had to a father figure. My father died when he was a babe and he doesn't remember him. This entire time, I've been doing this virtually _by. My. Self!_" Hawke felt the dam breaking; she didn't want to let it go here, but it was too late. Varric's eyes softened and Isabela's face was filled with heartfelt sincerity, but Hawke wasn't having any of it. "I've had to fight to keep my family safe, and you have the _NERVE_ to tell me that I'm too uptight! Excuse me for being a damned human being, but it was either buckle and give up, or get a thicker skin than everyone else!"

"I never said that you didn't, kitten." Isabela said gently. She reached out to place a hand on Hawke's, but Hawke slapped it away and stood up quickly. Tears were streaming down her face now as she stared down a stunned Isabela.

"Don't touch me!" She spat. "I don't want your damn sympathy or your blighted pity!" Hawke spun on her heel, and stomped toward the door. She threw it open and slammed it against the wall, leaving it wide open behind her. After a few seconds, Isabela turned back to her drink with a sigh.

"You did that on purpose." Varric accused, still stunned at Hawke's reaction, or that Isabela purposely caused it. Varric decided it was both.

"She needed to get it out," Isabela reasoned with a shrug before downing the rest of her drink. "See you tomorrow." She said before she stood up, and stretched her arms over her head. She walked out, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Varric sighed and shook his head. He went back to counting their earnings for the night, finding nothing better to do before he went to bed. He sincerely hoped Isabela was right, and Hawke would be okay.

Kaiya was furious now; straight up _pissed_ and... Utterly devastated. Finally, she stopped. She was halfway home now, but she couldn't bring herself to take another step. She reached out as she felt her knees buckle and gripped the side of the building next to her. Kaiya clamped her free hand tightly over her mouth in an attempt to muffle her sobs. She tried to calm herself, but nothing would work. Everything she had bottled up since her father died was rushing back to the surface, and she couldn't take it. Kaiya collapsed to her knees, leaning against the wall next to her. She was covering her mouth with both hands now to try and keep herself quiet; but still, some of her heart break slipped through her clasped hands.

Kaiya was a crying mess on the ground, and she couldn't find the strength to stop. Instead, she forced herself to focus on one thing – Janath. He needed her, she couldn't let herself be around him when she was like this. She was afraid he would wake up and see her like this, a crying, broken mess.

"Well, look at the pretty little miss, crying by herself." She heard a voice mock, Hawke tensed, and her head whipped around to the source of the sound. A tall man in dark leather armor was there, a few other men stood behind him. "Come with us sweetling, and we'll make it all better." The man said in mock-kindness. Hawke's sobbing stopped instantly. She had something to focus her anger and frustration on, now. She glared daggers at the men. Her red cheeks and tear-puffy eyes made her death glare all the more venomous. Hawke saw as one of the men took a step back, but didn't move otherwise.

"Like Hell, I'll come with you." She said through grit teeth as she shifted to a crouch.

"But we'd make it all better." The man promised falsely, his voice honey-coated with his fake sincerity.

"Try and take me, see what happens." Hawke snarled. Her form melted into the shadows, and seconds later, the first man's cry was heard with the sound of steel sinking into flesh and bone. He fell to his knees as Hawke's foot came down on his head, knocking him down and out.

The last four men pulled out their own weapons, and began circling her. Hawke held her ground, her body charged with adrenaline, her focus sharper than it's been in months as she eyed the men carefully, watching for the first move.

Then, one moved, charging at her out of the corner of her eye. Hawke dodged his sword easily, and ducked to the ground, digging a dagger into the fleshy skin at the back of his knee. The man yelled out and tried bringing the hilt of his sword down on Hawke's head. She dodged the blow, and instead sank her dagger into his wrist. The man howled and dropped his weapon. He grabbed his wrist, trying to stop the bleeding as Hawke jumped up.

She met the next man head on – another rogue – daggers flashed and clanged. This man was good in defending himself, but Hawke saw an opening. His wide swings left his sides unguarded. A quick slice to the side of his ribs and the man was staggering back with a snarl. He gripped his side and left Hawke the chance she needed to finish him off. A kick to the jaw, and he was knocked back. His head hit the wall, and he slumped to the ground a mass of limp, bloody limbs.

Hawke was startled as she felt a man grab her from behind, locking her arms up over her head. Another hurried toward her with two swords, ready to put them to use. But instead, Hawke kicked the man back. Before he fell back too far, Hawke was a blur of movement as she used his body to run her legs up, and get the momentum up to fly up. Her arms slipped free, and she wrap her legs around her captor's shoulders and chest. Her dagger slipped across his throat in a quick, and precise movement. Before his body hit to the ground, Hawke jumped back to her feet, crouching to the ground again.

The last man, the one who spoke to her, was glaring viciously at her, grinding his teeth ignoring his swords next to him.

"Bitch is gonna get it."

"I'm sure you will." Hawke said, mocking him with a grin. The man yelled out, charging for her. His weapons forgotten on the ground as he ran for her, ready to strangle her with his bare hands. But Hawke was too fast for the lumbering oaf. She dodge his long arms easily, and instead knocked him in the temple with the knotted hilt of her dagger. The man cried out and staggered back. He shook it off and tried again, only to have the process repeated with the other temple.

Hawke was toying with him now. By this man's attitude, he had been preying on young women often late at night. So, she saw fit to make him suffer and humiliate him. The man ran for her again, and she dodged his arms and ducked behind him. She sliced across the back of his neck, making sure not to go too deep this time. She jumped back as he swung his around . She jumped forward again, headbutting him in the chest and knocking the breath out of him.

The man staggered back, clutching his chest and trying to catch his breath. Hawke took advantage of his lack of balance and shoved him to the ground, cornering him against a wall. Hawke kicked him in the head with her heel – she felt his nose crunch under the blow – forcing him to knock his head back against the wall and cry out.

"I-I was jus' jokin', lady! Really!" The man protested meekly as blood poured out his shattered nose. Hawke delivered a swift kick to his chest this time, forcing his breath out of his lungs again.

"How many other women have you 'joked' with, that couldn't defend themselves?" Hawke seethed. The man looked at her in horror as swelling began to form from some of Hawke's injuries to him. "I'll make sure you never, _ever_, touch another woman again." She threatened in a low voice, kneeling in front of him.

"No!" The man cried out, but before he could say anymore, Hawke delivered the killing blow to his chest with both daggers. The man gasped before slumping against the wall once more, his head lolling forward. He didn't move as Hawke removed her daggers from his chest. She wiped them clean on his leathers before she sheathed them.

Her head was still spinning from the rush of energy, but as she walked away, she felt her emotions spiraling out of control once more. Kaiya couldn't help it, the focus of her anger and frustration having been taken care of already, she was losing herself again. Instead of letting herself get lost to her despair, she forced herself to think of what good she had in her life.

Kaiya's thoughts of the Hell they had suffered through were filled with Janath's laughter instead; her little boy's smile, and his joy when he saw her after she worked all day. She found the strength to calm her breathing from the sharp gasps down to deep, slow breaths. She leaned against a wall, and stared up at the smoky night sky. It was getting closer to dawn now. Was it really that late? Kaiya sighed.

With the realization of the time, exhaustion began to set in. Kaiya forced herself from the wall, and trudged the last bit of the way home. Once she was quietly inside, she slipped her armor off in the main room, to keep from waking anyone in the other room. While she was quiet about removing her armor, it was simply left on the floor for now; she'd have to take it to the docks to wash tomorrow. She didn't bother changing out of her tunic and leggings under her armor, and instead headed for her bedroll in that. She was too tired to care, and simply hoped to sleep in for once.

* * *

><p>Sorry for any typos I'm sure I missed, I've never been particularly good at proof-reading my own stuff. Unfortunately, I foresee the next few weeks as busy for – between my ever running job hunt and my obsession with my Xbox, as well as still sharing my boyfriend's computer... Ugh.<p>

Thank you again for reading! =D


End file.
